Free When I'm Gone: A Novel by Emily Bleeker Page A

wanted you to ask me to catch fireflies with you.
    “I don’t know.” You shook your head, every part of your face frowning. “They were always dead when I woke up. It seemed like a waste.” Then you disappeared into your dark house.
    And that was it. I was in love. Sure, we evolved over time, but even when you moved away a year later, I never forgot the boy who stopped catching fireflies.
    I love you. Happy V-day and thank you for finding me again.
    Love,
    Natty (ha-ha)
     
    “Why did she have to have such a good memory?” Luke wondered, rubbing his eyes as if he could push the tears back in. At some point during the letter he’d gone to his knees, leaning against the bed like he was praying. It felt odd. He hadn’t prayed since he was a child, and even then it was under a blanket in his bed while his mom and dad screamed at each other in the hallway. It didn’t work then. It wouldn’t work now.
    May burst through the bedroom door fully dressed in a red jumper with a long-sleeved turtleneck under it. Her tangled hair hung halfway down her back, the strands surrounding her face chewed short.
    “Happy Valentine’s Day, Daddy!” She jumped on his back, wrapping her arms around his neck.
    “Right back at cha, sweetie.” Luke twisted her around into his arms, gathering her up like a princess needing to be rescued. “You got your valentines ready?” He kissed her forehead before sitting her back up on his knee.
    “Yeah, Jessie helped me. They’re the coolest. She got the instructions off the Internet,” she said matter-of-factly.
    “Hope you made one for me.”
    “Of course, Daddy. I’ll show you!” She stood ready to run out the door. “Wait, I forgot.” She reached into one of the pockets on the side of her dress and pulled out a large pink comb with ponytail holders wrapped around the handle. “Will you braid my hair?”
    Luke’s mouth went dry. He’d watched Natalie do it countless times; she even tried to teach him once, but his fingers couldn’t seem to figure out the simple pattern of over under. He couldn’t bear the idea of disappointing her.
    “I sure can try. Come sit down.” He waved her over and sat her down on the floor in front of him. The first attempt at running the comb through May’s tangled nest of hair made her squeal and pull away. This would never do. “I’m sorry. Do you want me to try again?”
    “Yes! Two braids, one on each side.” She paused before adding, “Please,” as though it would change the outcome.
    “I have an idea. You sit down, and I’ll comb your hair and I’ll tell you a story.”
    “A story?” She gasped. “Is it a love story?”
    “Yes. A really beautiful one too.”
    Luke retold the story to May, taking his time to fill in the details and edit out Natalie’s commentary. She sat perfectly still on the floor, even when he hit a huge snag halfway through and had to pull harder than he intended to get through it. The first braid took three tries, and the second braid only one. He finished the story as he snapped on the last ponytail holder. May ran to the full-length mirror on the back of his bedroom door and smiled.
    “Daddy, it’s perfect! Thank you!”
    It wasn’t perfect, not even close. If he looked too closely, Luke could see where he missed the braid pattern in a few spots and how the top and sides of her hair weren’t exactly smooth like when Natalie used to do it. But it wasn’t bad either. She turned to face him and curtsied in her red skirt and heart-printed tights. She totally took after her mom with the holiday wardrobe theming. He had a box of holiday socks tucked away in the back of the closet he’d have to give May when her feet grew a little.
    “Thank you!” She ran and jumped into his arms and kissed his cheek.
    Clayton walked into the room bleary-eyed, holding Natalie’s phone. “Mommy’s phone is ringing.”
    The sound of her ringtone gave Luke a bad case of déjà vu, and his stomach dropped. If someone was