Free Party Princess by Meg Cabot Page A

either, because what high school kid has time to read books for pleasure? None.
    And then I could be published, and go on Book TV and talk all knowledgeably about symbolism and stuff.
    God. That would be so great.
    But wait. Lana CAN’T take over being president, even if I resign. If I resign, Lilly, as VP, will get the job.
    So that CAN’T be what Lana wants. She must want something else from me.
    But what? I have NOTHING. She’s got to know that. Nothing except the throne of Genovia awaiting me at some date in the future…
    Could THAT be what she wants? Not my throne but, like, my CROWN?
    I can’t give my tiara away. My dad would kill me. It’s worth, like, a million bucks or something. That’s why Grandmère has to keep it in the vault at the Plaza.
    WAIT—WHAT IF SHE WANTS MICHAEL???
    But why would she? She never wanted him when he was here at AEHS. In fact, for some reason, she seemed to find him completely dorky and unappealing (has anyone ever BEEN as blind?).
    Besides, I heard that lately she’s been dating the Dalton basketball team.
    She BETTER not want Michael, that’s all I can say. I mean, she can have my throne.
    BUT NEVER MY BOYFRIEND.
     
     
     
    Mia, what’s wrong?—T
     
     
     
    Nothing’s wrong! What makes you think something’s wrong?
     
     
     
    Because you look like you just swallowed a sock.
     
     
     
    Do I? I don’t mean to. Nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all.
     
     
     
    Oh. I thought something might have happened with Michael. Did you talk to him yet? About your not being a party girl, I mean?
     
     
     
    Um. No.
     
     
     
    Mia! You have to be firm with guys. It’s like Ms. Dynamite says in “Put Him Out”— I understand you love him and UR down/But that don’t mean you gotta be his clown.
     
     
     
    I KNOW!
     
     
     
    You guys. We have SO MANY submissions for the first issue. Ms. Martinez and I are meeting at lunch to decide what’s going in and what’s not. Volume I of Fat Louie’s Pink Butthole is going to ROCK.
     
     
     
    PLEASE STOP CALLING IT THAT.
     
     
     
    No, because that is its NAME. You’re the only one who doesn’t like it. Well, except Principal Gupta. But like HER opinion counts. Speaking of which, POG, what’s this Braid! thing your grandmother’s got going on?
    How do you know it’s her????
     
     
     
    Um, who else would hold auditions at the Plaza? Duh. So. What is it?
     
     
     
    I don’t know. Just another of my crazy grandmother’s schemes to humiliate and annoy me.
     
     
     
    God, who peed in YOUR cornflakes this morning?
     
     
     
    NO ONE!!! I’m just sick of her always butting into my life!!!
     
     
     
    Mia’s worried about Michael finding out she’s not a party girl.
     
     
     
    TINA!!!!!!!!!!
     
     
     
    Well, I’m sorry, Mia. But it’s so ridiculous. Don’t you think it’s ridiculous, Lilly?
     
     
     
    What’s a party girl?
     
     
     
    You know. Like Lana. Or Paris Hilton.
     
     
     
    UGH!!!! Why would you want to be like Paris Hilton, anyway????
     
     
     
    I don’t. That’s not what I’m worried about. I’m just— Paris Hilton is one of those women who is too pretty to live. Don’t you think, Tina?
     
     
     
    Totally. She is NO ONE for you to be threatened by, Mia.
     
     
     
    I am not threatened by her! I just—
     
     
     
    Check it out:
     
     
     
    WOMEN WHO ARE TOO BEAUTIFUL
TO LIVE AND SHOULD BE SENT AWAY
TO LIVE WITH ONE ANOTHER
ON A DESERTED ISLAND
SO THE REST OF US CAN STOP
FEELING SO INADEQUATE
    by
    Lilly Moscovitz
 
    1) Paris Hilton. Wait—she’s pretty, can eat whatever she wants and never get fat, much less have to exercise, AND she’s an heiress? Is there no JUSTICE on this planet? And okay, she is kind to animals and gay people, and she is obviously smart enough to land herself a fiancé who is related to one of the richest families in the world. But did she ever think about using her mind to develop something other than a reality TV show? What about a cure for cancer, Paris?