Free Trust No One by Paul Cleave Page A

him this way.
    He is a third of the way through when he starts to have a very uncomfortable feeling that whatever that something is, it’s to do with Suzan, the woman in this book. She is somebody he used to know. An actual person. He can’t remember her real name, but she was a neighbor when he was a teenager, until she was no longer his neighbor because her ex-boyfriend killed her. He used to have a huge crush on her—she was ten years older than him, but he fell in love with her that summer—fell in love from the opposite side of the street, too young and too nervous to ever talk to her. He based this book on what happened to her. He used her story to write one of his own, a story he then went on to sell, a story that helped pay his mortgage, that helped give Eva a good education, a story that gave them the chance to travel the world—all things that couldn’t have been any further from Suzan’s mind when her ex-boyfriend’s hands were around her throat. Jerry remembers coming home from university that day, the police cars on his street, his parents telling him what had happened. Suzan was gone and it didn’t make sense how life could end so easily.
    That’s the balance, he realizes. He took advantage of the bad thing that happened to her. This is why he is being punished.
    He decides he doesn’t want to finish reading the book.
    He decides he doesn’t ever want to read any of his books ever again, because there’s something more than just the memory of coming home and finding the police cars. There’s something else hidden in the darkness—best he stops looking. Best he heads back inside and lets the dementia carry on doing its work.

DAY FIFTEEN
    A lot has been happening, and there’s a lot to catch up on, the most pressing of which is another fight with Sandra. You always feel sick to your stomach when you and Sandra have fought, and today is no different. Strike that—today you actually feel worse. It was a real doozy. Things are a little more stressful now that the wedding has been bumped up—that was something decided a few days ago, but first you need to be updated on today. This is, remember, a journal—it maps the journey. It’s not a diary—you’re not going to add something every day just because it’s another day. Otherwise it’d be Day fourteen, ate breakfast, went for a walk, and read the newspaper at the kitchen table. The long gap (would that make a good book title? The Long Gap ? No, probably not) happened because you’ve been so busy, and because—now this is supposedly so, because Sandra read the journal. She asked for it, and you said sure, honey, knock yourself out. Or something along those lines. Here’s your memory of it. . . .

That’s right—that blank page and a half represent exactly what you remember, which is to say none of it. But Sandra says you had the conversation, and how can a man losing his mind and his memory argue with that? It turns out quite easily, because you’re adamant that the discussion just never happened. If somebody tells you two plus two equals five, you’re going to argue it’s not true because you know, you absolutely know the truth. That’s how this feels. If Sandra had asked to read the journal, you’d have said no. Absolutely. However, she says you said yes, and you love her and trust her, and the truth is, buddy, you’re going to have to start trusting her more than you can trust yourself. You can no doubt imagine what happened after you found out she was reading it, and don’t need it explained to you—but here to explain it to you is Henry Cutter, author of novels such as Dead Man Stalking and Dying Made Easy. But before Henry takes over the reins, here’s a little history on who exactly Henry is.
    Henry Cutter is your pseudonym. Only it’s a little more intimate than that. Henry Cutter isn’t just the name you put on the cover of your books, he’s the person you try to become when you’re writing. All those things going