Free Come to Me Recklessly by A. L. Jackson Page A

maybe I could wipe all the pent-up memories away. Regrets that I’d always thought I could cover up with the delirious rush of numbness I felt when I was buried in a vacant, willing body. All that greedy nothingness I found myself seeking day after day.
    Maybe I could make Samantha that.
    A body.
    Maybe she’d feel like nothing, just like everyone else.
    Maybe then I’d be okay.
    Maybe then I could let all this bullshit go.
    “Yes, I invited her. I like her and I always have. Do you have a problem with that?”
    Sarcastic, incredulous laughter erupted from my throat. “Did you really think I wouldn’t have one? Isn’t that what you’ve been hiding this entire week?”
    Instantly, remorse creased the corners of my sister’s eyes. She stretched out her hand and gently set it on my forearm. I didn’t know how badly I was shaking until she tried to still me. “God, I’m sorry, Christopher. Honestly… I didn’t mean to upset you or try to trick you. You said you weren’t coming, so I thought it was safe to invite her. I’d never hurt you on purpose. You have to know that.”
    Of course I knew that. But that didn’t change the fact that Samantha had been here, in my space, a place I couldn’t allow her to invade.
    “What were you doing talking to her in the first place, Aly?”
    She should have known better.
    She dropped her gaze to her feet before she looked up at me. She seemed to hesitate, wavering on what she wanted to say, how much she wanted to admit. “She lives here in the neighborhood with her boyfriend. Just a street down. Jared and I ran into her at the store last week and we exchanged numbers. I just… I wanted to catch up with her. She told me her brother was sick again, and I’m pretty sure she needs a friend. So I invited her.”
    Bile burned a hole in my gut. I choked over the acrid taste as it rushed up my throat. I couldn’t hear anything beside the fact that her brother was sick again and that she had a boyfriend. That she was living with him. Vile images corrupted my already beat-up mind, and I wanted to claw my eyes out. The idea of someone touching her made my skin crawl.
    And Stewart. Memories of his smile swelled as I pinched my eyes closed, that kid… that fucking awesome kid who was supposed to be okay.
    Goddamn it.
 
    I wanted to punch something. I couldn’t do this. I had to get out of here, away from everything I didn’t want to face, away from what was supposed to be long forgotten, brushed right under a tidy little rug and trampled underfoot, squashed into nothing.
    Obliterated from my mind.
    Kristen laughed a bitchy little laugh. “I’m not sticking around for this shit, Christopher. Why you had to drag me over here for this, I don’t know, but I’m obviously not welcome and I have better things to do.”
    I turned back to her. “Then go.”
    Her eyes narrowed, and something like disappointment filled them before she headed toward the door, mumbling, “Guess you really are an asshole, aren’t you.” Kristen stormed out the door and slammed it behind her.
    There went my ride.
    The walls shook, evoking a small cry from a startled Ella.
    Damn it.
    I turned back to Aly, my attention darting between her, Jared, and Ella, who Jared was now trying to calm, and then to some of the guys from work and Megan staring at me from where they sat out back, all of them getting mixed up in my mess.
    I felt on the spot. Caged. Like there was something inside me savage and untamed, fighting to be unleashed. I glared across at Jared. “I need a ride.”
    Without a second thought, he lifted his chin in consent, handed Ella back to Aly, and kissed my sister on the top of the head. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
    Aly nodded against his mouth, cradled her daughter to her chest as she looked on with worry and questions and all the shit I didn’t want to deal with.
    “Sorry,” I blurted out, not sure what I was apologizing for, but I was pretty sure that everything that had just gone down