Free Thin Ice by Anthea Carson Page A

couldn’t remember a time I wasn’t wide awake in anticipation to arrive there, but today it was different.  My mom had to wake me up when we pulled in.
    “We’re here .” She tapped my hip. 
    I lay stretched out in the backseat, half-asleep and in pain.  I hurt all over.  “Oh,” I said, and tried to lift my head.  I was excited to see my aunt, but couldn’t keep my head up.  My mom practically had to carry me out of the car.
    “Oh , she is sick,” my aunt said to my parents.  She was waiting for us on her beautiful porch.  I loved the plants and atmospheric lighting that surrounded her garden.  There always seemed to be a mist in the air in her front yard.  We had arrived at night.
    “She is very sick,” my mom responded . 
    “Yes, we’ll take her in to see my colleague tomorrow .  He’ll do some tests.”
    I practically passed out on the front couch, barely taking the time to notice the changes in decoration.  I heard her talking about these changes to my parents.  Out of the corner of my eye, I did notice the fancy improvements, but truthfully, I preferred the house the old way.  The way it used to look.  Now that my cousins were growing up, the house was taking on a different look.  A more elegant look. 
    If I ’d had the energy, I would have asked where my cousin Amber was, but I didn’t.  Anticipating the question, my aunt told me, “Amber spent the night at her girlfriend’s.”
    I didn’t even have the energy to feel bad that she hadn’t stayed at home to see me.
    “You will take her room for the summer, and she will take David’s old room.”
    I didn’t wake up for a long time.  They moved me up to Amber’s room at some point, the next day.  I must have walked, but didn’t remember doing it. 
    My aunt took such good care of me.  I was grateful to be there.  She was much nicer when I was sick than my mom.  I never had a single problem with her—except one time. 
    It had been the year before.  We had been standing out on her driveway.  I had been angry with my dad.  Actually, I probably hadn’t been angry with him, I had just been used to talking to him a certain way.  I had wanted something, and had been shocked when my aunt had interceded and spoken to me in a harsh tone.  “Don’t you talk to my brother like that,” she had said. 
    I didn’t have the energy to s peak to my father that way, or my mom, so never had any problems with my aunt that summer.  I often heard her defend me in the other room.  Sometimes my mom would complain about me.  I would only hear bits and pieces of what she said, but caught the general idea.  Then I would hear my aunt say, “Just give her time.  She’s not finished growing up yet.”
    My parents left after a few days . I was so sick I barely remembered saying good-bye to them. 
    My aunt w ould put me on a bus to go back to Wisconsin when the summer was over.
    A fter the doctor diagnosed me with mononucleosis, I was given a shot in the behind I’d never forget.  Once I started feeling a little bit better, I started obsessing about Paul again.  And I couldn’t keep my thoughts to myself.  This brought on a bunch of wise statements from my aunt.  The first piece of advice I received from her was: never drink.  Especially now that I’d had mono.
    She had good advice, if only I could have listened to it.  Some part of me did understand it, and filed it away for future retrospection.  She said things like, “You need to think about your future, not his.”
    Wow , I thought.  But I didn’t say it out loud.  Instead, I looked her in the eye and said, “What I need is to lose weight and get a tan.”
    I was able to sit up, and drink coffee with her on her beautiful terrace out back by the pool.  We sat under a leafy, vine-covered, lattice awning.  It felt cool in the shade, and I was finally beginning to feel good again.
    “Lose weight ?  You’re a skinny toothpick!  And your natural skin tone will never