Free The Girl Who Raced Fairyland All the Way Home by Catherynne M. Valente Page B

change and he would never have to suffer surprise. And yes, me too. Fairyland was such a disorderly place when I deposed the Happiest Princess and ascended the throne. I had to make it better. I had to make it right. You see, sweetheart, nobody wakes up in the morning and thinks: Today I shall be a wicked murderous tyrant and crush something nice under my boot. It just happens to you. Like catching a cold. It starts the first time someone says no to you and goes on and on until everyone is saying no and saying it so loud you can’t sleep for the din.”
    â€œWhat about him?” September asked, pointing at the First Stone, who had just finished adjusting a paper umbrella on a goblet of mud.
    â€œThe Stone?” the Headmistress asked, nonplussed.
    â€œYes, the Stone. Was he a tyrant?”
    â€œI don’t suppose there was anyone to tyrannize, except ammonites and will-o’-the-wisps.”
    â€œHELLO,” said the First Stone amiably.
    â€œSee? He wasn’t a tyrant, so it’s possible not to steal and crush and outlaw and cast terrible spells. Not that I shall have time to do any of those things. I’ve only got two more days as Queen. Which I think is awfully unfair. You all got to be in charge as long as you could hold on to it. I still don’t understand why I can’t just keep on being Queen.”
    â€œI thought you didn’t want it,” said Madame Tanaquill coolly.
    September’s cheeks burned. “I didn’t want to do my mathematics homework back home. Or mend the fence or mind the chickens. But I did it anyway. Just because a person doesn’t want to do a thing doesn’t mean they ought to shirk.” The words came out before September could stop them. She tripped and fell into honesty at the worst times, and came up with the truth all over her dress. The crown felt suddenly warm on her head.
    â€œIt’s hardly a usual situation,” the Elephanta said.
    â€œBe grateful, girlie,” huffed Cutty Soames. “Fairyland likes you. She’s doing you a favor. Because, if not for the Derby, one of us would probably have killed you before you even got to meet our Jack. I think Titania already had a plan involving a mud puddle.”
    â€œWhere is Titania?” September asked, choosing to ignore the threats of a goblin in a pirate coat. “And all the others?”
    â€œWe didn’t invite everyone, ” Hushnow, the Ancient and Demented Raven Lord, crooned. “Only people who’ve decided to race already. Oh, and of course, only people we can stand to share the air with. Goldmouth is a brute and the Knapper would murder us all inside a minute and never spill his drink. Titania’s halfway to Buyan by now. She had enough of Queening before Tansy there was even born. Oh! How she and her man used to fight! Sank half of Fairyland underground by the time they got themselves tuckered out. A lot of us feel that way. Getting cast down by some young upstart once was quite enough.”
    â€œSo this is it? You’re the only ones racing?”
    â€œTwo more days, child,” said Curdleblood softly. “Everyone must decide in their own time.”
    â€œWell, I oughtn’t to be here at all, then,” said September, setting her snifter down. “I haven’t decided yet. Whether I’m going to race in the Derby.”
    This caused some uproar among the members of the Once and Future Club.
    â€œSee?” bellowed Charlie Crunchcrab. “ See? She doesn’t even want it. She’s a disgrace! Why did the crown pick her when she’s just a little nobody with no ambition?”
    â€œCome off it, Chuck,” Madame Tanaquill snorted. “You hired those two kids to find a way for you to abdicate. We all know it. You didn’t want it, either.”
    â€œWell, I do now . I didn’t abdicate! I meant to, yes, but I didn’t! The crown was taken away from me. There’s nothing like a