Free Filth by Irvine Welsh Page B

needing to play the craft card. I know that those New Labour wankers up the City Chambers have been intoxicated with their election victory and are strutting around like peacocks and coming down hard on Niddrie and co. and one of their beefs is equal opps. – I’m meeting people from the Forum on Racial Equality and Community Relations, I tell him.
    There’s a silence on the other end of the line. – Shit . . . listen . . . you’ll have to go to that one. We’ll need to make it Thursday afternoon. Three-thirty.
    Niddrie puts the phone down on me. I keep the receiver to my ear and then I bell Toal, noting that Gus, busying himself with the coffee, hasn’t seen me redial. He still thinks I’m talking to the Nid.
    – It’s Bruce Robertson, I whisper. – Niddrie’s gied me a new time for the briefing. I have a forum meeting to go to. I’m informing you as my direct supervisor, I raise my voice for Gus to hear, – I’ll come along, but I’ll have a Fed rep with me. Drysdale from the south side.
    Gus raises his eyebrows. He puts a cup of coffee in a Hearts mug in front of me. This isn’t my Hearts mug, it’s Inglis’s. I’ll fuckin catch something off that cunt.
    – I think you’ve misunderstood the memo Robbo, Toal says.
    – Aye?
    – This is an exploratory debriefing session. There’s no question of anyone being reprimanded or disciplined at this point.
    – So what you’re saying is that this may be a precursor to disciplinary action?
    – No . . . not necessarily. It’s an open-ended discussion.
    – So it’s a counselling session then?
    – Well . . . yes . . . but not a counselling session in the sense of it being related, or even potentially related at this point in time, to the disciplinary systems of the Edinburgh and Lothians Constabulary.
    – But my attendance is compulsory?
    – Everyone must attend.
    – You’re asking me or telling me?
    – Robbo, what I’m hoping from you and the rest of the team is your willing co-operation. If this isn’t forthcoming then I’ll be forced to introduce a disciplinary element.
    – I see . . . I let the silence hang.
    Eventually Toal says, – I don’t have time for this bullshit. I’ll see you in Jim Niddrie’s office at the appropriate time. Cancel everything else.
    The line clicks dead. Now Toal’s hung up on me! Who the fuck does he think he is? Niddrie’s fuckin office-boy, that’s who. I shout into the mouthpiece, – I don’t have time for your fuckin bullshit Niddrie! We’ve got a fuckin murder case tae solve! I slam the phone down.
    Gus Bain raises an eyebrow, – Whoa, Robbo, ye gied Niddrie it tight there, did ye no?
    – The only way wi these cunts Gus, I said. That’s all they understand. I turn round and notice that Sonia, one of the civvy clerks, had come into the room. – Sorry aboot that Sonia hen, industrial language they call it.
    – Sawright, she says. – It’s Hazel.
    – Of course . . . of course . . . Hazel. Bet she takes it aw weys. Bit young for me but. Mind you, if they’re auld enough tae bleed . . .
    – Ah’m sure Hazel’s heard worse, Gus gives that wheezing, creepy laugh of his, and she grins nervously.
    – What ye could do for me Hazel, is to gie they people at the Forum a phone. I had a meeting with them tomorrow at two. Tell them I have to cancel out, but I’ll get back to them.
    – Right. . . aw aye. . . there was a woman on the phone for you while you were out, she tells me.
    – Whoah! Gus laughs, – Mister Popular.
    Aye? Whae?
    – She wouldnae leave a name or number. She sais you’d know who it was.
    – Right . . .
    That’s a bastard. Shit. Probably Carole crawling back. I’ll leave a message on the answer machine tonight.
    Those cunts Toal and Niddrie have upset me big-time. Making me miss important fucking calls with their shite. I should have fuckin well stayed in Australia. Then where would the fuckers be now? If I hadn’t gone out there but stayed in London wi the Met, I’d’ve