Free The Tennis Party by Sophie Kinsella Page B

“How do you think I feel? I did know that wouldhappen – but I hadn’t got anything to invest!”’ He paused. ‘And it’s true. Those of us who know what’s a sure winner can’t take advantage of it – meanwhile, all the people who could afford to put their money in don’t know about it!’ He laughed gently. ‘It’s a crazy world.’ Charles raised an eyebrow.
    ‘Come on, Patrick, you must have a few thou lying around to invest.’
    ‘I wish,’ said Patrick. ‘Look around. House, cars, pony. None of it comes cheap. But I can tell you, if I had the cash, I know exactly where I’d put it.’ He stopped. ‘Cigar?’
    ‘Thanks.’
    Patrick took his time snipping the cigars, picking up the onyx lighter, taking a few puffs, before continuing.
    ‘There’s an investment fund’, he said confidingly, ‘which is going to blow all the others out of the water. No-one knows about it yet. I’m not even telling all my clients. We’ve had a policy decision only to tell a few. Our most loyal customers. We’re telling them now, while they can get in at a low price. It’s a bit like a reward for staying with us over the years. And I can tell you, every single person we’ve told has snapped it up. We’re almost oversubscribed.’ Again he laughed gently. ‘One man took all his money out of every single investment he held with us and put it allstraight into the new fund. It caused a real headache, I can tell you! The administration was a nightmare.’ He took a puff on his cigar. ‘Not bad, these, are they?’ Charles eyed him thoughtfully.
    ‘I take it’, he said, ‘that you’re going to tell me why this fund is so marvellous. It would seem a bit cruel to lead me on so far, and then shut the door in my face.’
    ‘Well,’ Patrick seemed doubtful, ‘I’m not really supposed to be telling anybody except our existing clients. But, since you were so good as to tell me I wasn’t ripped off with those prints,’ he laughed, ‘I owe you one.’ He took a breath. ‘Where do I start? I suppose you’re familiar with the idea of investing in international equities?’
    ‘Stocks and shares,’ said Charles.
    ‘Right,’ said Patrick. ‘And are you familiar with the idea of investing in futures and options? That’s to say, promising to buy shares in the future, at a certain price?’ Charles shrugged.
    ‘I dimly remember being told something about it once. What’s that got to do with it?’
    ‘Well,’ said Patrick, ‘this fund invests half in stocks, calculates which way the price is going to go, and then uses the other half to work the market with futures and options.’ Charles shook his head.
    ‘You’ve lost me. I was never any good at maths.’
    ‘That’s a shame. If you knew a bit more about it,you’d see the potential. If you’re interested, I’ve got some graphs somewhere that explain how it works.’
    Charles looked alarmed. ‘I don’t think so.’ He looked at his watch. ‘Shouldn’t we be getting back?’
    ‘Of course, that’s not our only fund,’ interrupted Patrick smoothly, ‘although it’s the most exciting. We’ve got some that are safe as houses – boring as bricks, we call them. It really depends what kind of attitude the investor has got to risk. I mean, take yourself. What kind of approach have you got to risk?’
    ‘I don’t really know,’ said Charles, diverted briefly. ‘It’s quite an interesting question, isn’t it? What is one’s attitude to risk?’ He puffed on his cigar. ‘I mean, I suppose leaving Ella and marrying Cressida was quite a risk. But at the time it seemed the obvious thing to do.’
    ‘Exactly,’ said Patrick. ‘That’s the kind of problem our fund managers deal with all the time. Investing in a certain stock may seem the obvious thing to do – but sometimes you’ll get far better results by doing the unobvious.’
    Charles wasn’t listening.
    ‘I sometimes wonder what it was about Cressida that attracted me,’ he said slowly.