Free Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha by Roddy Doyle Page B

Catherine, did when she’d been crying and bawling for ages. I didn’t want to do it.
    I didn’t know I was screaming. They told me later. It had scared them, I could tell. The next time I got hurt, when I cut my shoulder on a nail on a goalpost, I screamed then as well. But, because I’d decided to do it, I thought it sounded stupid. I stopped and rolled on the ground, in the wet. My da went down to Kevin’s house when he came home from work and Ma told him what had happened. I watched him from their bedroom window. When he came back he said nothing. Kevin didn’t know what had happened between my da and his da. He’d expected to be killed, especially when he saw the shape of my da through the hall door glass. But nothing happened him. His da did nothing, and didn’t even say anything to him. I told my da this when he was having his tea the day after; he didn’t look surprised or anything.
    I had two bloodshot eyes and one black one.
    The best thing about The Three Stooges was that there were no breaks. For the main film Hennessey had to change the reel and spin back the old one. The picture would go white with little coloured explosions and the sound would go; we’d hear the film clacking around, hitting against the empty spool. It took ages to get going again.
    They turned on the lights so Henno could see what he was doing. We got down off the seats in time. We played chicken; first down was a spa.
    Once, during the main film, Fluke Cassidy took one of his epileptic fits and no one noticed. It was The Vikings. The sun was covered by the clouds outside so we saw the whole film. Fluke fell off his chair, but that happened all the time. It was a great film, easily the best I’d ever seen. We stamped the floor to make Henno hurry up when the first reel finished. Then we saw Fluke.
    —Sir! Luke Cassidy’s having a fit.
    We all got far away from him in case we got the blame for it.
    Fluke had stopped shaking - he’d knocked over three chairs and Mister Arnold had put his jacket over him.
    —Maybe they won’t finish the film, said Liam.
    —Why won’t they?
    —Cos of Fluke.
    Mister Arnold called for coats.
    —Coats, lads; come on.
    —Let’s look, said Kevin.
    We went up two rows, and in, so we could get a proper look at Fluke. He only looked like he was asleep. He was whiter then normal.
    —Give him room, lads.
    Henno was with Mister Arnold now. They’d put four coats over Fluke. If they put one over his head that meant he was dead.
    —Someone to go to Mister Finnucane.
    Mister Finnucane was the headmaster.
    —Sir!
    —Sir!
    —Sir, me!
    —You. Henno chose Ian McEvoy.—Report what happened to Mister Finnucane. What happened?
    —Luke Cassidy took a fit, Sir.
    —Correct.
    —D’you want us to carry him, Sir?
    —OH YOU’RE ALL VERY QUIET IN THE BACK—YOU’RE ALL VERY QUIET -
    —Shut!—Up!—Sit—Down—.
    —That’s my place—!
    —Shut!—Up!
    We were all sitting down. I turned to Kevin.
    —Not a squeak, Mister Clarke, said Henno.—Face the screen. All of you.
    Kevin’s little brother, Simon, put his hand up. He was way up at the front.
    —Yes; you with your hand up.
    —Malachy O’Leary’s after going toilet.
    —Sit down.
    —Number twos.
    —Sit!—Down!
    The music in The Vikings was the best thing about it; it was brilliant. Any time there was a Viking boat coming home a fella on a cliff would see it and he’d blow the music through a huge horn and everyone would come out of their huts and run down to meet the boat. Whenever there was a battle they played the same music. It was brilliant; you remembered it for ever. In the end one of the main fellas was killed - I wasn’t sure which one - and they put him in his boat and covered him in wood; they set fire to it and pushed the boat out. I started humming the music, slower; I knew it was going to happen in the film. And it did.
     
    I killed a rat with a hurley. It was a fluke. I just swung the hurley. I didn’t know for definite