Free Beyond Hope's Valley: A Big Sky Novel by Tricia Goyer Page B

when I'm going to give you this letter. Part of me wants to put it in today's mail. Another part tells me to wait. Wait until I know your heart. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the Amish way: gentle, simple, peaceful, forgiving.
Although the Amish are sometimes called simple people, we both know that is not the case. The Amish love, laugh, celebrate, mourn like any other human. There is nothing simple about their emotions. There is nothing simple about my emotions.
When you left I thought a lot about the Amish response to life. There is so much that must be "given up": modern conveniences, normal society, one's right to himself or herself. Only equal to that is the determination not to give in. Not to give in to the trappings of wealth, give in to pride, give in to temptations of what they ought not have.
I'm sad to say I've given in to many temptations. I'm not the man that I see in your eyes when you look at me. I wish I were.
Yet since I've known you, one thing that has not failed is my love for you. It's hard to explain, hard to deny.
Do you love me as much as I love you? I wish you were here with me now. One glimpse in your eyes and I think I would know.
Why do you have to be so far away, my sweet Marianna? Why couldn't you be tucked next to my side? Dream of me tonight if you would.
     
Written with the pen of the man who loves you more than you know.

    Naomi entered the dawdi haus without knocking and then moved to the back bedroom. She'd seen Levi leaving thirty minutes ago and she'd waited near the back porch for fifteen minutes, making sure he wasn't going to come back.
    She entered the bedroom and paused in the doorway. At first she'd planned to stay in this house, but her parents didn't like the idea of her being in her grandparents' cabin alone. She ended up staying in her room, and her older sister Judith moved in with their younger sisters. It worked better that way since Levi didn't have a home to return to once he became Amish again.
    She'd cleared out her things weeks ago, until she remembered something she'd tucked away on a high closet shelf. Naomi just hoped Levi hadn't stumbled upon the drawing.
    She entered the bedroom that smelled of Levi—of his manly presence and the Englisch cologne he still wore. Her heart hammered.
    Turning to the closet, she hurried over and stood on her toes. Her fingers brushed the edge of a piece of paper and she let out a sigh. It's still here.
    Naomi pinched her fingers on the edge of the paper and pulled. She didn't know why she kept the drawing. She'd be horrified if anyone saw it.
    Aaron had drawn her with her kapp off, hair down, and apron sitting beside her. He'd used colored pencils to capture the red of her hair. She bit her lip and ran her finger over her captured image. She'd never considered herself beautiful until Aaron drew her like this, but she couldn't risk the chance of Levi finding it and asking questions. With one smooth motion she ripped it in half. Taking those two pieces she ripped them again, and continued ripping, until only small pieces remained in her hands.
    Only then her breathing slowed.
    She carried the small pieces in her hand and placed them in the trash, hiding them under potato peels. Relief lessened the tension in her chest. Still, she didn't feel whole. The evidence was destroyed but the deeds would never be undone. Her heart felt like the paper—torn and in pieces. Naomi placed a hand over her growing stomach.
    When had everything gone so wrong?

Chapter Seven
     

    H e finished the concert, his mind and heart heavy for the words he had shared, the song he had sung.
    He stood at a back table and noticed the line growing for autographs. His head ached and his eyelids weighed a hundred pounds.
    A woman approached wearing bright blue eye shadow. She looked to be his mother's age but gushed like a teenager. "Can I take a photo for my Facebook page?"
    Ben nodded. "Uh, sure." He smiled, but felt the life getting sucked out of him as he