Free Paper Money by Ken Follett Page A

carpenter, she had always
    envied Tim a little.
     
    She would wallow in it. Tim could not contemplate that.
     
    His father was dead, his mother senile. Was he that short of friends?
     
    What had he done with his life, to be left with no one who would love
    him right or wrong? Perhaps it was that that kind of commitment was
    two-way, and he had been careful to see that there was nobody he
    wouldn't be able to abandon if they became a liability
     
    There was no support to be had. Only his own resources were available.
     
    What do we do, he thought wearily, when we lose the election by a
    landslide? Regroup, draw up the scenario for the years of opposition,
    start hacking away at the foundations, use our anger and our
    disappointment as fuel for the fight. He looked inside himself for
    courage, and hatred, and bitterness, to enable him to deny the victory
    to Tony Cox; and found only cowardice and spite. At other times he had
    lost battles and suffered humiliation, but he was a man, and men had the
    strength to struggle on, didn't they?
     
    His strength had always come from a certain image of himself: a
    civilized man, steadfast, trustworthy, loyal, and courageous; able to
    win with pride and lose with grace. Tony Cox had shown him a new
    picture; naive enough to be seduced by an empty-headed girl; weak enough
    to betray his trust at the first threat of blackmail; frightened enough
    to crawl on the floor and beg for mercy.
     
    He screwed up his eyes tightly, but still the image invaded his mind.
     
    It would be with him for the rest of his life.
     
    But that need not be long.
     
    At last he moved. He sat on the edge of the bed, then stood up. There
    was blood, his blood, on the sheet, a disgraceful reminder. The sun had
    moved around the sky, and now shone brightly through the window.
     
    Tim would have liked to close the window, but the effort was too much.
     
    He hobbled out of the bedroom, and went through the living room into the
    kitchen. The kettle and the teapot were where she had left them after
    making tea. She had spilled a few leaves carelessly over the Formica
    work-top, and she had not bothered to put the bottle of milk back into
    the little fridge.
     
    The first-aid kit was in a high, locked cupboard, where small children
    could not reach. Tim pulled a stool across the Marley-tiled floor and
    stood on it. The key was on top of the cupboard. He unlocked the door
    and took down an old biscuit tin with a picture of Durham Cathedral on
    the lid.
     
    He got off the stool and put the tin down.
     
    Inside he found bandages, a roll of bandage, scissors, antiseptic cream,
    gripe water for babies, a displaced tube of Ambre Solaire, and a large,
    full bottle of sleeping tablets. He took out the tablets and replaced
    the lid. Then he found a glass in another cupboard.
     
    He kept not doing things: not putting the milk away, not clearing up the
    spilled tea leaves, not replacing the first-aid tin, not closing the
    door of the crockery cupboard. There was no need, he had to keep
    reminding himself.
     
    He took the glass and the tablets into the living room and put them on
    his desk. The desk was bare except for a telephone: he always cleared it
    when he finished working.
     
    He opened the cupboard beneath the television set. Here was the drink he
    had planned to offer her. There was whiskey, gin, dry sherry, a good
    brandy, and an untouched bottle of eau de vie prunes that someone had
    brought back from the Dordogne. Tim chose the gin, although he did not
    like it.
     
    He poured some into the glass on the desk, then sat down in the upright
    chair.
     
    He did not have the will to wait, perhaps years, for the revenge which
    would restore his self-respect. However, right now he could not harm Cox
    without doing worse damage to himself. Exposing Cox would expose Tim.
     
    But the dead feel no pain.
     
    He could destroy Cox, and then die.
     
    In the circumstances it seemed the only thing to do.
     
    DEREK