Free GRIND (The Silver Nitrate Series Book 1) by Tiana Laveen Page B

remembered him, but he was actin’ funny anyway, so I wasn’t sure if it was the drugs talking or he lied, and planned to leave us altogether. I spent years trying to figure that out until I just accepted that God made me y’all’s mother, and I was going to do the best I could. My parents helped me, and thank God for them or there was no way I could have raised five kids on my own. You were all smart, and I wanted you to know it and do something about it. Y’all are my blessings.”
    “Awww, Mama, you’re our blessing, too. I love you so much.” She smiled sadly as she tried to push the thoughts of a father long gone out of her mind.
    “I love you, too. Even though you hated me during your teen years.”
    “Yeah.” Silver shook her head. “That’s just because we were too much alike, and I had the hormones and all that other mess going on. I don’t know how you were able to take me, Topaz, and Ruby with all our female stuff!” She burst out laughing. “And don’t let us all be on our periods at the same time.”
    “Girl!” Her mother cracked up hard into the phone. “Your brothers would see that tampon box on the bathroom counter and get tha hell outta dodge! Ain’t nothing like four women PMSing and wanting to kill everything that moves.” Silver burst out laughing as the hilarious memories came back to her …and then, her eyes settled on her wineglass again, and an image of her first love bringing her a bottle of Nabuko to celebrate their one year anniversary rushed her senses.
    “I’ve been thinking about David lately. Sometimes I still can’t believe that he’s gone.” She ran her hand up and down her bare leg, sensing a sudden chill.
    “Yeah, you had a hard time, sweetie. You and David… Well, you were both just so young, Silver. You got married too young, baby. I wanted you to learn from my mistakes. But I loved David, you know I did, and I wanted you two to work out.”
    “I know, Mama. He knew it, too. You were always upfront with your concerns… I guess I should have listened.”
    “Silver, we have to make our own mistakes. Plus, you were so stubborn and strong-willed, it wouldn’t have made any difference. Plus… baby, you were in love. People don’t think straight when those types of emotions have taken over. He just needed to grow up. And then when he got involved with all that craziness, I just couldn’t deal with him anymore.” She heard the woman exhale.
    “Something went wrong, Mama, and for the life of me, I can’t figure it out. It was like he totally changed.” Prickly passages from her memory bank came to the fore, things he used to say, and the way he used to say them…
    “He didn’t change, Silver. You and that boy—sorry, that young man—hadn’t reached your maturity. You were growing up together, changing together. I know all about that first hand. Not all changes are good changes, though. He’d lost his innocence, but that didn’t have much to do with you.”
    “But it affected me all the same. We were too young to get married, that’s true… but I loved him so much, Mama. I always say that to you; it’s like I’m trying to prove it to myself or something, like I need a witness.”
    “I know you loved him, Silver, but… you knew it wasn’t working. You even had to leave him and honey, I’m not trying to sound cold but you have to live your life. My first concern is about my baby. Everyone else is secondary and he was tearing you down. He ain’t mean it, but intentions really don’t mean shit at the end of the day… I need another cup of coffee, got me on this phone saying these things, but I guess they need to be said.”
    She sat there and thought about Mama’s words, hating the truth she was relaying.
    I haven’t been living my life? Work is going great… but there’s more to life than work. Mama don’t understand though. It’s not just because he’s dead. It’s… nevermind.
    “Silver, I’m just going to come on out with it.