Free Spike: (#3.5 The Beat and the Pulse) by Amity Cross Page A

when the place closed for the night, which meant I’d been waiting upstairs all this time like a chump.
    “Ash, it’s after ten,” I said, edging closer.
    “So?” he replied, starting another set of punches.
    I reached out and curled my hand around his forearm. “Come and take a shower with me.”
    “I’m not done.”
    “Ash—”
    He wrenched his arm away. “I said, I’m not done .”
    I jerked backward like I’d been slapped, winding my arms around my middle. He’d never spoken to me like that since… Well, since before we were together, and look at all the shit he’d been hiding then.
    He ran a wrapped hand over his face before sucking in a deep breath. The only sound in the silence was the creak of leather as the bag swung back and forth like a pendulum.
    “Where were you today?” I asked gently, dread well and truly settling into my bones.
    He shook his head, his gaze never meeting mine. He looked like he was fighting an internal battle with himself, and all it did was make my heart ache.
    With the way he was hedging around the question, I was beginning to think he meant to go back to The Underground. It was like I’d been propelled back a couple of years to when he was pulling the same crap when he’d turn up at Beat late at night with cuts and bruises on his face.
    “I tried calling you, but your phone was off,” I said, watching him carefully.
    “I had something to do.”
    Not good enough. “What aren’t you telling me?”
    “Ren, I can’t,” he snapped.
    “Secrets were what tore us apart in the first place,” I cried. “What’s yours is mine, remember?”
    He was looking at me, but it felt like he wasn’t even there.
    “Where did you go today?” I asked.
    He was silent for so long, I almost walked away then and there. Finally, he said, “Some things I can’t share with you.”
    Instantly, my expression crumpled, and my limbs began to feel heavy. My heart stopped beating for a split second as everything slowed down.
    “What?” I asked, my voice ragged.
    “I can’t,” he said more quietly, his eyes on the floor. My heart split in two. It was so forceful, I actually stumbled back a step.
    No . Not again.
    “You can’t? ” I asked, my voice sounding far away.
    I don’t love you, Ren. I can’t love you. I’m already lost. Get the fuck out, and don’t come back. He’d said those words right before he’d forced me to run the night Hammer attacked me at Beat. Now, all they did was echo through my mind like a warning. They repeated over and over until all I could think about was the fact that he was going to leave me again. That’s what this was, wasn’t it? All the edginess, the distance, the secrets ? Ash was going to abandon me again. That’s what the words ‘I can’t’ meant.
    I was frozen to the spot with tears welling in my eyes, my throat tight with restrained emotion. Do something, Ren. Do something .
    Swallowing hard, my lip curled into a sneer. Fuck him. I wasn’t going to give him the chance to break me, not this time.
    Without a word, I spun on my heel and stalked across the mats, my hands beginning to shake. With each painful step, I felt a void of emptiness open between us, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t be in this place anymore. This home and life he’d built for us was beginning to look a lot like an elaborate lie. A motherfucking game at my expense.
    “ Ren! ”
    I heard his shout behind me as I bounded up the stairs. My footsteps echoed in the enclosed space like a replacement for my cold dead heart as I ran down the hall and shoved into the apartment. If I let it in and really felt what was happening, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to survive the pain. If this was really the end, then I doubted I’d ever be the same again even if I could get over him.
    “Ren, stop.”
    He’d chased after me, but it was already too late.
    Grabbing my arm, he pulled me around to face him. “ Ren .”
    “ Don’t ,” I snapped, and he immediately let go. I