Free Affinity by Sarah Waters Page B

found it in Pa’s study, in an album from the Uffizi: it is the Crivelli picture I thought of when I first saw Selina Dawes—except, it is not an angel, as I seemed to remember it, but his late Veritas . A stern and melancholy girl she is—she carries the sun in the form of a blazing disk, and a looking-glass. I brought it up, and shall keep it here. Why shouldn’t I? It is handsome.

30 September 1872
    Miss Gordon, for a queer pain. Mother to spirit May ’71, heart . 2/-
    Mrs Caine, for her child Patricia - Pixie - lived 9 weeks, to spirit Feb ’70. 3/-
    Mrs Bruce & Miss Alexandra Bruce. Father to spirit Jan, stomach. Is there a later will? 2/-
    Mrs Lewis ( not Mrs Jane Lewis, crippled son, Clerkenwell) - This lady did not come for me, but Mr Vincy brought her up, saying he had gone a little way with her but modesty forbade he should go further, besides he had another lady waiting. When she saw me she said ‘O! How young she is!’ - ‘But quite a star,’ said Mr Vincy at once, ‘quite a rising star in our profession, I assure you.’ We sat for half an hour, her sorrow being -
    That at every night at 3 o’clock she is woken by a spirit who comes & puts his hand upon the flesh above her heart. She never sees the spirit’s face, only feels the cold ends of his fingers. He has come so often she said the fingers have left marks on her, it was these she had not liked to show to Mr Vincy. I said ‘But you may show them to me’, & she put her gown back & there they were, plain as day, 5 marks red as boils but flat, not raised or weeping. I looked at them for a long time, then I said ‘Well it is perfectly clear, isn’t it, that it is your heart he wants? Can you think of any reason why a spirit would come for your heart?’ She said ‘I cannot think of any reason, I only want it to go away. My husband sleeps beside me in the bed & I am afraid when the spirit comes that it will wake him’, she has been married only 4 months. I looked hard at her & said ‘Take my hand & tell me truly now, you know very well who this spirit is & why he comes.’
    Of course, she did know him, it was a boy she said she would marry once, & when she threw him over for another he went to India & died there. She told me this, weeping. She said ‘But do you really think it can be he?’ I said she ought only to find out the hour he died at. I said ‘I will lay my life that it will prove to be 3 in the morning by an English clock.’ I said sometimes a spirit might have all the freedoms of the other world, yet still be a prisoner of the passing of the hour it died by.
    Then I put my hand over the marks above her heart. I said ‘He had a name for you, what was it?’ She said it was Dolly. I said ‘Yes, now I see him, he is a gentle-looking boy & he is weeping. He is showing me his hand & your heart is in it, I can see Dolly written on it quite plain, but the letters are black as tar. He is kept in a very dark place by his yearning for you. He wishes to move on, but your heart is like a piece of lead holding him down.’ She said ‘What must I do, Miss Dawes, what must I do?’ I said ‘Well, you gave your heart to him, you shouldn’t weep now because he wants to keep it. But we must persuade him to let go. Until we can do that however, I think that every time your husband kisses you the spirit of this boy will come between your mouths. He will be trying to steal your kisses for himself.’ I said I will work to see if I can’t loosen his hold a little. She is to come back Weds. She said ‘What can I pay you for this?’ & I told her that if she cared to leave a coin she ought to leave it for Mr Vincy, since she was more properly his lady than mine. I said ‘In this sort of establishment, where there is more than one medium practising, we must you know be very honest.’
    When she had gone however, Mr, Vincy came to the door & gave me the money she had left. He said ‘Well, Miss Dawes, you must have impressed her. Look what she