Free Teaching Kids to Think by Darlene Sweetland Page B

typical developmental step at this stage would be toilet training, which exemplifies control of one’s own body and a sense of independence. You can see this fight for independence play out every day—such as when the child decides she suddenly doesn’t like a certain food or doesn’t want to nap. Another example might be the child who wants to walk up the stairs rather than be carried or get himself into his own car seat. If children do not begin to do things for themselves or they are prevented from doing so, they can develop a sense of shame and doubt about their ability to be independent and self-reliant. We all know there are times when it is just not possible to let toddlers do everything on their own. Doing something for your child is typical and will not impact this stage. Only when parents choose most of the time to do things for their children, rather than allow the toddler to develop a sense of autonomy, does this pose a problem.
    3. Preschool: Erikson’s third stage typically lasts from about three years old to five or six years old. The basic conflict at this age is called initiative vs. guilt . Independence and one’s desire for exploration develop in this stage. Children begin to exert power over their environment by manipulating things around them. We see this opportunity for development during their play. Does a child initiate play or wait for other children to decide what they are going to do? Does the child share toys or take them and leave the area so others can’t have them? They become more assertive and begin to initiate events rather than passively wait for things to happen to them. When taking the initiative is successful, the child feels a sense of mastery and confidence, but the child who exerts too much or too little power may meet disapproval leading to feelings of guilt. Most often children don’t know why their attempt at taking control was not accepted by others, but they feel bad or guilty that it wasn’t successful. With practice, the child learns how to take initiative successfully.
    As we discussed in chapter 3 , the challenge with this generation of children is that parents are overinvolved in all aspects of their play. Parents are there to guide their children, tell them how to solve problems, and even speak for them if necessary. This overinvolvement or “hovering” inhibits the child’s ability to figure out challenges on his own and learn from them. If children aren’t given this chance, they are not going to progress through this stage with the confidence to take the initiative to try new things.
    4. School Age: Erikson’s fourth stage is thought to prevail from the ages of six to twelve years old. During this stage of development, the basic conflict is called industry vs. inferiority, and the important challenges and opportunities for development at this stage center on school. Not only are children faced with new academic demands, but the experience with more kids in structured and unstructured situations also increases the social demands placed on them. It is during these early school years that children learn how to make and keep friends in class (structured) and on the playground (unstructured). Success here leads a child to gain a sense of purpose and pride, while failure can result in feelings of inferiority. Children with a lot of friends seem more comfortable in new social situations, probably because they know they have been able to make lots of friends in the past, while children without this skill show more anxiety. It is normal for children to experience some social conflicts, just as adults do. That is how they learn the skills to manage social dynamics. Children establish these skills slowly as they progress through the stage, making mistakes along the way. If they are not allowed to make those mistakes, then they don’t develop the skills. Social conflicts are one of the most difficult things for parents to