Free Once Upon Another Time by Rosary McQuestion Page A

window contemplating how I was ever going to get back to
the person I used to be.  In college I was the one who had given the
valedictorian commencement speech, while Laura fussed with the tassel on her
cap and complained endlessly about her gown not flattering her figure.  How had
it all switched around?  How in God’s name did Laura become the Jane Austen heroine?
 
    “Okay,” Laura
said, “if there’s no point to all this, I really have to get over to the
courthouse.”
    I looked skyward. 
“No, it was just something that happened to pop into my head,” I said.  I
turned to see Laura stuff a file folder into the briefcase on the credenza. 
Her back was to me when a watery image of Matt appeared beside her.
    He wore a
thoughtful smile that reminded me of one day in particular.  We were sipping
espressos at an outdoor café in historical Federal Hill, known as Little
Italy.  A flock of skinny fashionistas in Dolce & Gabbana, sophisticated
beauties with the world at their Gucci heels, sat one table over, openly
flirting with Matt.  He looked at me with that same judicious smile on his face,
as if to say, “I have nothing to do with any of this.”
    His voice came
through in my head, loud and clear, “Aubrey, find me.”
    I hurried toward
him when his image disappeared like the burst of a bubble.  
    “No!  Don’t go!” I
blurted out.
    Laura snapped her
briefcase shut and swung around to look at me.  “I thought we were done
talking?”
    “No, that’s not
what I--I mean yes, go.”
    She narrowed her
eyes.  “Are you sure everything is okay?” 
    I shrugged my
shoulders.  “Everything’s fine.  Sorry I bothered you with something so silly.”
    “Don’t worry about
it.  Hey, about yesterday, I didn’t mean to be harsh when I accused you of obsessing
over Matt, but enough years have passed.  You need to let go once and for all. 
I’m just trying to help.”
    “I know,” I said
quietly as I left her office.  I just couldn’t understand why Matt kept telling
me to find him.  Find him where? 
    I felt a little
like I was out at sea, as if I just couldn’t find the balance in my life.  I
couldn’t even tell my best friend what was happening.  Nor did I know how to
connect with Matt or when I’d see him next, which really spun my psychological
issues out of control.  Total control was the key to my existence, without it,
I didn’t know what would happen.  
    As soon as I
stepped into my office, the phone rang.  The call was to inform me that Judge
Trudy Lopez would be hearing my next case.  It concerned my client, Mr. Peters,
whose former employee had filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against him.
    Lopez, an
inviolable woman, had actually once proclaimed, “I have faith that there’s a
little Loraine Bobbit in every woman.” 
    I braced myself
for another challenging day.
    * * * *
    As the long hand
of the clock inched its way toward six p.m., my mind crashed into sheer
exhaustion, which had nothing to do with the pile of work on my desk.  I’d
spent the day thinking about Matt, worried that he was lost between two worlds
for almost seven years.  My theory was he needed my help, maybe in guiding him
toward the light, like on that TV program where the young woman speaks to
ghosts and helps them.  However, it didn’t make sense that he’d wait so long.
    While
straightening the clutter on my desk, lack of maternal responsibilities tugged
at my heart.  Calling Mother earlier that day to ask if Nicholas could spend
the night was difficult.  I didn’t like when my job kept me from tucking my son
into bed.  It was difficult enough for him growing up without a father. 
However, I did try to keep life for Nicholas as normal as possible, knowing
full well the effects of growing up in a less than normal environment.
    As flower
children, my parents were free spirits who lived with the rhythms of the earth,
until their spirits one day guided them to open a tiny shop that sold