Free Suicide Notes From Beautiful Girls by Lynn Weingarten Page A

biting you or bolting. “Did you see her or talk to her the day she died? Did she maybe mention anyone who was . . .”
    “I talked to her for, like, three seconds. But she didn’t sayanything about anything. She was coming off a bunch of drugs from the night before. She picked up to say she felt like shit and she was going to go back to sleep. And that’s literally all.”
    “Okay,” I say. “But it’s just that Jeremiah said—”
    Ashling snorts and cuts in again. “You’re actually going to believe that idiot about anything?” She shakes her head. “He was totally out of his depth with Delia. He never had any idea what was going on.” She sets her jaw and shakes her head again. “He didn’t even know his girlfriend was cheating on him is how much of an idiot he was. So if you want to take his word for anything about anything? Well, that’s on you, girl. It has nothing to do with me, or my best friend, or what happened . She was miserable. She was using drugs. Her life at home was even shittier than usual. If you were her friend, you would have already known that, and you wouldn’t be questioning any of this. What happened to her is, she made a choice. And it was hers to make.”
    Ashling stands. She looks like she’s going to cry again, but then instead narrows her eyes and grits her teeth.
    And then before I can say anything else, she turns and starts toward the door.
    “Wait!” I call out. My entire body is tingling. I get up and chase after her. “You said Delia was cheating on Jeremiah.”
    Ashling blinks. “So . . .”
    “Who was she cheating with?”
    Ashling raises an eyebrow and smiles slightly. “That was herown business,” she says. Then she shrugs, pushes through the door, and she’s gone.
    And I am left standing there as the thoughts swirl in my head, arranging themselves into shapes. And then arranging themselves again.
    I feel Krista’s hand on my shoulder.
    “Do you really think she was murdered?” she says very quietly.
    But I don’t turn. I’m barely even aware of her. I’m thinking of Jeremiah standing alone in the dark, his big hulking body and Boy Scout face. I’m thinking about how Delia was cheating, and Ashling said Jeremiah didn’t know. But what if she’s wrong? What if he somehow found out?

Chapter 16
    Ryan’s hair is damp from the shower, and the chemical tang of chlorine still clings to his skin. I can smell him from his bed, where I sit, cross-legged, watching his naked back. It’s hours later. After Ashling left, I left Krista. I needed to be alone. I spent the rest of the day just driving and thinking, running everything over and over in my head.
    And now here I am, trying to pretend like everything is normal, like anything is.
    “You sure you’re up for going?” Ryan asks. He opens his closet and takes out a shirt—green with PANTS printed on the front. His favorite. He slips it on over his head. And then, just like I knew he would, he takes out a green button-up shirt to wear over it. A couple of days ago, before any of this happened, I would have felt oddly satisfied to notice this. There’s a sweet comfort in knowing these kinds of things about a person.
    He turns back as he does up the buttons.
    “It’s only that usually . . .” He trails off. “Hanny’s parties have never really seemed like your thing.” He is putting it mildly, being polite.
    Max Hannigan is part of the popular sports crowd, which is one of the ones Ryan is a part of. He’s tall and rich, with a big giant jaw. Delia once said, “He looks like a date rapist, but one who’d only stop raping you because his dick wouldn’t stay hard.” She said things like that, and I’d laugh in spite of myself. I still think of that sometimes when I see him.
    He has an enormous house with a pool, and his parents are always going out of town and either are oblivious or do not care that whenever they go away, he has fifty people over to drain their liquor cabinet. We’ve met dozens of