Free Clash by C.A. Harms Page B

slowly destroyed over the years that I was trapped in his clutches. I spent hour after hour sharing my deepest secrets, coming out stronger and much more confident. But certain moments brought all the years rushing back, all the pain and sadness and hiding my emotions for fear of being punished for them.
    I finally found my light, but the darkness had slowly come back to claim me once again.
     

 
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    Chapter Thirteen
     
     
    “How do you feel today, Payton?” Dr. Perkins asked as she sat down in the chair to my left.
    I just shrugged; feeling numb shouldn’t surprise me. I spent most of my life in that state, but I had a small sliver of happiness with Dylan and his family. Now the pain of my past felt more intense. I felt like I was being taunted by what could be, only to have it taken away when it meant so much.
    “Tell me about the last time you saw your mother.” I wanted to get up and leave. I wanted to tell her Maggie was not my mother. She left me behind and in part was the cause of my pain. But I couldn’t say or do any of that. Dr. Perkins had been there for me from the beginning. The moment Karen brought me home after the attack, Jamie Perkins became my lifeline.
    “It was the morning before she left.” I resorted back to my nervous habit of fisting my hands over and over, feeling the bite of my nails in my palm.
    “I can still hear them yelling at each other. She always told me to stay in my room until she came to get me. But I could never drown out the shouting or the sounds of her screams.” I took in a shuddering breath to control my tears, because I would not cry. “That morning things just felt different. John should have been gone by the time I got up for school, but he was still there yelling and throwing things around. I knew something was up. But I couldn’t leave my room before Maggie came to get me. It would only have made things worse. Up until that point, John had never laid a hand on me. He only said awful things no child should hear.”
    I looked up as the spring in a chair popped, indicating Dr. Perkins had stood up. I watched as she walked across the room and pulled out a small bottle of water from her mini fridge, grabbing a second one for herself.
    Once she was seated back at my side and gave me the water, I continued.
    “When she did finally make it to my room, she wore yet another bruise on her cheek, a fresh one. The ones from a few days before still hadn’t faded. Her bruises never faded.” I lifted the bottle and took a small sip, just enough to wet my dry lips. “She brought in a piece of toast and a glass of milk. She hurried around the room, gathering my clothes for school without looking at me. I remember asking myself why she didn’t just leave. But then later, I myself realized just how hard it was to leave John. He was relentless and scary.”
    “Did she say anything?” Jamie asked.
    “Yeah, just before she walked out of my room. She said, ‘Hurry up and get dressed or you’ll be late for the bus.’ That was it. She acted like she hadn’t just been beaten by some piece of shit only a room away. She just let my father control her.”
    “And when you got home?” she asked.
    “She was gone, vanished. And John was livid. He had trashed the house and was pacing the room. I still remember the look on his face when I walked in and he realized I wasn’t Maggie. He marched straight for me and glared with such hatred. ‘Why the hell didn’t she take you too? If she was gonna leave she shouldn’t have left her garbage behind.’ That’s all he said. It was also the first time I had ever been hit.”
    Instinctively, I lifted my hand to my right cheek, as if I could feel the sting of his palm all over again. “I cried out and he laughed.”
    “How often did these things occur?” I knew what Dr. Perkins was doing. She was forcing me to keep talking instead of holding it in.
    “Almost daily,” I whispered. “It wasn’t always where