Free Heidi and the Kaiser by Selena Kitt Page B

hip. “God, you feel so good.”
    “Lenny, wait…” She pushed herself away, still trembling, retreating to the opposite end of the sofa. He sat, looking stunned, pained, and she swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I can’t…we can’t do this.”
    “Is it me?” he asked.
    She shook her head, insisting, “No!”
    “I see.” He gave a little nod and offered her a sad smile. “So you’re going to give me the, ‘It’s not you, it’s me,’ speech?”
    “No…” She smiled in spite of herself. “It’s not me either.”
    “Kaiser.” He spat the word out as if it tasted bad. “The bastard.”
    “He isn’t,” she replied. “You don’t know him.”
    “And you do?”
    She did. She didn’t know how it was possible, to be so connected to someone so quickly, but she did. “I can’t explain it.”
    “Wanna try?”
    “I can’t.” She shrugged helplessly.
    “All right, come here.” He held his arms out again and she hesitated before he said, “Just friends, I promise.”
    She settled against him again, but it was different. Something had changed.
    Things had shifted, a door had been opened that couldn’t be closed again. It was more than painful to her now, it was awkward.
    “You still feel good,” he said with a shaky sigh, his mouth too close to her ear.
    “I’m sorry.”
    He groaned. “Quit apologizing.”
    “I’m—” She went to say it again, reflexively, and yelped in surprise when his hand came down on her denim-clad behind.
    “Will you listen to that, then?” Lenny chuckled and she flushed, ashamed at how her body responded to the slap. Her bottom stung, but for the first time since they’d started, she felt a sudden throbbing between her thighs.
    “I mean it!’ He went on, insistent. “Stand up for yourself. Say something. Do something. Go in there tomorrow, guns blazing, and tell him the truth.”
    She thought about it, imagined it for a moment, what she might say. It was an impossible reality. If she was someone else, if Kaiser was someone else…
    “The truth doesn’t matter,” she whispered, feeling tears stinging her eyes again.
    Lenny sighed. “Why not?”
    “Because…” Heidi shook her head, wondering at herself. She should be self-righteously insisting on some sort of justice, appealing to Kaiser’s sense of fairness and integrity. Why wasn’t she? Why had she continued to kneel before him silently, head bent, humbled and surrendered to his will, sacrificing not only herself, but everything she treasured? “Because I want him to love me more than I want to be right.”
    She had found her truth and it felt as if it might split her in two as she turned to her friend and sobbed in his arms, not knowing if the cost would ever be worth it…and on some deep level, not really caring. She wanted Kaiser with a fierce and complete abandon that left her trembling and bowed before a desire far greater than she was.
    “I don’t think they have to be mutually exclusive,” Lenny murmured as he rocked her, but she wasn’t listening, couldn’t hear anything but the keening of her heart for a man whose love she felt sure she would never be worthy of.

Chapter Six
    “Heidi, come into my office and close the door.”
    She’d been waiting for hours. It was part of her punishment—at least, she fervently hoped it was—sitting there alone at her desk. Kaiser had walked by at seven-thirty—she had been there since five—without a word, not even his usual request for coffee. When he shut his office door, her heart sank, and she nervously smoothed her cream-colored silk skirt, a Versace with a impossibly soft sheen, the ensemble carefully chosen for both fashion and function, the blouse a navy and cream pinstriped button-down with a smart little vest.
    She wanted to call after him, follow him, sink to her knees before him and plead for forgiveness. Instead, she waited, hoping for the phone to ring, the mail to arrive, something that might give her an excuse to knock on