Free Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen Page B

town right away.”
    “And go where?”
    “Don’t you have any friends in New York?” Georgina asked.
    Torrey shook her head. “I know you people, and I know some junkies in Mexico. That’s it.”
    “Lisa Cody,” said Lisa. “She’s a junkie. She’d put you up.”
    “She’s not reliable,” said Georgina.
    “She’d use all that money for junk anyhow,” I said.
    “I might too,” Torrey pointed out.
    “That’s different,” said Lisa. “We gave it to you.”
    “Don’t,” said Polly. “You might as well go back to Mexico if you do that.”
    “Yeah,” said Torrey. Now she looked depressed again.
    “What’s up?” said Lisa.
    “I don’t have the nerve,” said Torrey. “I can’t do it.”
    “Yes, you can,” said Lisa. “You just open the door at a red light and tear off. You just get the fuck away. You can do it.”
    “You could do it,” said Torrey. “I can’t.”
    “You’ve got to do it,” said Georgina.
    “I know you can do it,” Polly said. She put her pink-and-white hand on Torrey’s thin shoulder.
    I wondered if Torrey could do it.
    In the morning, two nurses were waiting to take Torrey to the airport.
    “That’s not going to work,” Lisa whispered to me. “She’ll never get away from two.”
    She decided to create a diversion. The point was to occupy enough staff members so that only one nurse would be available to take Torrey to the airport.
    “This fucking place!” Lisa yelled. She went down the hall slamming the doors to the rooms. “Eat shit!”
    It worked. Valerie shut the top of the Dutch door to the nursing station and had a powwow with the rest of the staff while Lisa yelled and slammed. When they emerged, they fanned out in trouble-shooting formation.
    “Calm down, Lisa,” said Valerie. “Where’s Torrey? It’s time to go. Let’s go.”
    Lisa paused on her circuit. “Are you taking her?”
    We all knew nobody could escape from Valerie.
    Valerie shook her head. “No. Now calm down, Lisa.”
    Lisa slammed another door.
    “It’s not going to help,” Valerie said. “It’s not going to stop anything.”
    “Valerie, you promised—” I began.
    “Where’s Torrey?” Valerie interrupted me. “Let’s just get this over with.”
    “I’m here,” said Torrey. She was holding a suitcase, and her arm was trembling, so the suitcase was bumping against her leg.
    “Okay,” said Valerie. She reached into the nursing station and pulled out a full medication cup. “Take this,” she said.
    “What the fuck is that?” yelled Lisa from halfway down the hall.
    “It’ll just relax Torrey,” Valerie said. “Something to relax her.”
    “I’m relaxed,” said Torrey. “Drink up,” said Valerie.
    “Don’t take it!” Lisa yelled. “Don’t do it, Torrey!”
    Torrey tipped her head back and drank.
    “Thank God,” Valerie muttered. “Okay. All right. This is it.” She was shaking too. “Okay. Good-bye, Torrey dear, good-bye now.”
    Torrey was actually leaving. She was going to get on the airplane and go back to Mexico.
    Lisa quit banging and came up to stand with the rest of us. We stood around the nursing station looking at Torrey.
    “Was that what I think it was?” Lisa asked Valerie. She put her face up to Valerie’s face. “Was that Thorazine? Is that what that was?”
    Valerie didn’t answer. She didn’t need to. Torrey’s eyes were already glistening. She took a step away from us and lost her balance slightly. Valerie caught her elbow.
    “It’s all right,” she told Torrey.
    “I know,” said Torrey. She cleared her throat. “Sure.”
    The nurse who was taking her to the airport picked up the suitcase and led Torrey down the hall to the double-locked double doors.
    Then there wasn’t anything to do. An aide went into Torrey’s room and started stripping the sheets off the bed. Valerie went back inside the nursing station. Lisa slammed a door. The rest of us stood where we were for a while. Then we watched TV until the nurse came