Free Pao by Kerry Young Page A

It like the place strip down apart from the two sofas and a coffee table, and some Venetian blind at the window and the bar in the corner. And I think how different this look from the back room that I have dinner in that very first time I come here. And how the spirit of this room sorta still and empty apart from the little breeze that is coming through the window. And how different it feel compared to that night in the back room when the four of them was singing and dancing and talking ’bout Bustamante setting up the Jamaica Labour Party. And how the life in them and their energy and their spirit lift up the place. Sitting here in this stagnant room it didn’t seem like that other thing could even be possible. I start to wonder how come I never notice before what this room was like. Never notice before the sadness in it. And I realise that every other time I was in the room it was full of men and music and liquor. And when it wasn’t that it was me and tea and Gloria. And right then I wasn’t looking at no wall to see they not got no picture on. All I was looking at was her.
    I am sitting there this long while and she nuh come back. So I start examine the floor and make my own patterns outta how the white colour swirling through the dark grey tiles and then after a while I get the feeling of someone standing there in the doorway. When I look up it is Marcia. She say to me, ‘Gloria not here, yu know.’
    ‘She not here?’
    ‘No. She gone into town.’
    ‘She gone into town?’
    ‘Yu going repeat everything I say?’
    I just stop and I look at Marcia because I can’t believe Gloria do this to me. This thing gone beyond a joke now.
    ‘I dunno what time she coming back, so I can’t say nothing to yu ’bout how long yu should spend your time waiting here.’
    I don’t bother go there the next afternoon like I supposed to. But come evening I go pick up the money and she is there dress in a tight red frock that show off every curve of every inch of her body. And I can see that every man in that room want to reach out and touch her, but him know that you can’t just grab a woman like that, all you can do is maybe brush up against her like it a accident, or pat her arm as you talking, or maybe take her hand like you playing with her or swinging into a little dance, but just when your other arm want to reach ’round her waist and pull her in you have to check yourself. It like Gloria got a big notice hanging ’round her neck and it say, ‘Watch yourself, man.’
    When she finally decide to come give me the money she don’t say nothing to me. She just walk over to the door where I am standing, but when she get close to me I step outside. So she follow me, and when it just the two of us on the porch I say to her, ‘I know I not got no place complaining ’bout how you treat me this week. I just wondering how much longer you going carry on like this.’
    She staring out into the dark yard and after some long while she say to me in this calm, cold voice, ‘I only ever ask you for one thing and you do it, and that was a piece of business for both of us. That is how it started. It didn’t start out as personal, but I dunno what happen. Maybe it was because of how patient you was, sitting there drinking tea and doing your handiwork, till in the end it was me that had to give you permission to make a move. You are the only man I ever know like that. Every other man I know just want to jump me the minute he clap eyes on me. That is how it been for me my whole life.’
    All that is there in the silence between us is the click of a cricket here and there. So I just wait because I can feel that she got more to say.
    ‘When I find out you going marry Fay Wong I almost couldn’t believe it. It was like I must have dreamed it when I thought you had some feeling and respect for me. Not that a woman in my position can have much to say ’bout respect. But it hurt. It hurt bad because the worst thing about it was it put me in