Free After Math by Denise Grover Swank Page A

night?”
    “Tucker—”
    “He’s the one who made you cry?” He starts to pull away from me, but I grab his arm.
    “Tucker, please. Don’t.”
    His expression softens. “I’m sorry, Scarlett. I was the one who forced you into this situation. I encouraged you to go out with him.”
    “No. I decided to go out with him on my own.”
    “I just want you to be happy.”
    I gawk at him. He knows what will make me happy, yet he’s not interested.
    “I feel like I’ve screwed up your life, barging in and forcing you to tutor me. I’m sorry.”
    I shake my head. “I’m not sorry.”
    “How can you say that?”
    How do I answer him? I want to say that he makes me feel like maybe everything can be okay, as long as he’s with me. That he makes me realize things about myself I never considered before. That my short time with him makes me want to live my life, not just watch it pass by. But my tongue refuses to respond except for three little words. “I like you.”
    His eyebrows lift, then he laughs softly. “I like you, too.” Then his laugh fades and his eyes darken. “I think I more than like you.”
    “I more than like you, too.”
    His hand returns to my cheek, tilting my face up to his. His eyes search mine. “I’m not good enough for you, Scarlett. You deserve a hell of a lot better than me and for sure a hell of a lot better than Daniel Bailey.”
    “That’s for me to decide, not you.”
    “I’ll hurt you, Scarlett. I hurt every single person who gets close to me. I always fuck it up.”
    I think about what he just did to Daniel and how he makes me feel. “I’ll take my chances.”
    He draws a ragged breath and looks like he’s in pain as he exhales. “If I kiss you now, I won’t be able to let you go, and you’ll end up hating me. Tell me to walk away right now before it’s too late. Tell me to leave you alone so you can have the life you deserve, Scarlett Goodwin, and not get stuck with a fuckup like me.” The agony on his face tells me he believes every word.
    It makes me want him even more.

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    Chapter Seventeen
     
     
    On Thursday, Tucker shows up for Western civ, but other than offering me a sad smile when he walks in, he doesn’t pay any attention to me for the rest of the class. When the hour’s over, he leaves before I can say anything to him. Not that I would. He made his choice. I won’t beg him.
    I don’t want to arrive at Panera early, but it’s like a sickness and I can’t help myself. I’m not sure what I’ll find. Will Tucker be early again? Will he even show at all?
    But he’s here. Waiting outside. The day is overcast and his hands are stuffed under his armpits. He turns his head toward me, but there’s no smile this time. Only sorrow and disappointment.
    He opens the door for me, and we walk inside without saying a word. I head straight for our usual table, but Tucker goes up to the counter and returns with coffees and a bagel for me. I look up at him, and he stares back, his face expressionless, as though he’s waiting for my reaction.
    The events of yesterday come rushing back in to my head. My eyes well with tears. Tucker’s eyes widen before he slides into the booth seat next to me, wrapping an arm around my back and pulling my head to his chest.
    “Scarlett. I’m sorry.”
    I have no idea what he’s sorry for—for my tears, for his unwillingness to take a chance on me—I only know that when he holds me close, the anxiety is gone even if the pain remains. For the last nine years, since my first panic attack, I’ve searched everywhere for a way to ease the panic. And here it is with Tucker.
    Where is the justice in that?
    We sit like this for a long time, like the night outside my apartment. Tucker presses his cheek to my temple.
    “Are you better?”
    I could tell him no, in hope that he’ll hold me longer, but I refuse to lie to him. Especially him. Even if it gets me what I want most in the