Free Dying to Know You by Aidan Chambers Page B

… ? And no convincing answers.
    What to do about Karl?
    How to make contact without his suspecting contrivance and collusion with his mother?
    What reason for contacting him? Not Fiorella, which would make matters worse.
    Fishing? Perhaps, but why? He knew I wasn’t a fisherman.
    Such questions tangled in my mind till around five, when I fell asleep. And woke with a jangling start at nine thirty when the postman rang the front door bell. I stumbled downstairs, bleary and dazed. A book I’d ordered online.
    No point in going back to bed. A shower revived me.Breakfast calmed me. And as so often happens, a thirty-minute walk after breakfast clarified my jumbled nighttime thoughts and supplied the missing link.
    What had happened during their time together that caused Fiorella to break up with Karl and go home on her own earlier than planned?
    Whatever had happened was the cause of Karl’s plunge into depression.
    But Karl wouldn’t tell his mother or the doctor. So why would he tell me?
    If I knew what had happened and could think of a way to get in touch without scaring him off, he might open up as he had with me before, and I’d be prepared for what he told me. It’s always easier to help someone when you know what is bothering them and have had time to think about it before getting involved.
    So knowing what had happened was the key to unlocking Karl’s locked-up soul.
    The only other person who knew what had happened was Fiorella.
    Maybe she would tell.
    It was worth a try.
Hi, Fiorella.
I expect you remember our exchange of emails a year or so ago.
Forgive me for writing to you out of the blue,but there’s something important I’d like to ask you. Would you mind? Email, MSN, phone, as you prefer.
    Luckily, it was a weekend. Fiorella was at home. She replied by MSN.
Hi. Is it about Karl?
Yes. How did you know?
Is it about when we went away together?
Yes.
Why do you want to know?
Karl is having a very bad time, which started after your trip. He won’t say what happened. Only that you broke up with him.
But why do you want to know?
His mother thinks I might be able to help him, because I helped him before.
I know how you helped him and I was furious with you. And still am a bit.
Why?
Because I believed he wrote those emails but he didn’t, you did. You shouldn’t have done it. They were private.
He told you, did he, that I only wrote what he told me to write?
Yes. But writing is not just what is said, is it? It is how it is said. He didn’t dictate the words to you, did he? They were your words not his. So I wasn’t really getting him, was I?
Did Karl explain why he asked me to help?
Yes.
What did he tell you?
That he is dyslexic and was afraid I wouldn’t go on with him if I saw his writing.
Did that matter to you?
No. Why should it? If he had told me from the start I would have helped him. Then he would not have needed to ask you.
So you broke it off with him because he involved me without telling you and you felt you couldn’t trust him anymore?
No. That was not the reason. I was cross with him and with you and very upset at first. But I understood when he explained. And I would have forgiven him.
So why did you break up?
I don’t want to tell you that. It has nothing to do with you.
I respect that, if it is what you decide. I’m sorry that I upset you. I did think it was risky. But Karl was so insistent and so desperate to do what you wanted him to do that I couldn’t say no.
Well, alright. But that has nothing to do with breaking up with him.
Karl is very ill. If you still feel anything for him, you’ll want to help him get better. His mother has asked me to try and help. But if I’m going to, I need to know what happened, and only you know that, apart from Karl, who won’t say.
You are being very hard.
It’s hard for me too. I feel I am partly to blame.
Let me think about it.
    An hour or so later:
OK. But I want to do it properly. I’ll send you an attachment later today.

Fiorella’s