Free Hand of Thorns by Ashley Beale Page B

faces both lit up. Watching them share their kiss, and knowing that they're going to be an adorable, happy family. It does bring a sense of excitement to me, to know that I am the cause of their happiness. That because of me, they're able to be a family at all. It really is an incredible feeling. It's just... a pathetic, insecure part of me wishes I were Ellie, and this was mine and Leon's.
    I've practiced over these three weeks to erase those feelings. There is absolutely no reason I should feel that way, and I blame them fully on the hormones. I also blame some of my gloominess on the fact that Sumner still has not spoken with me since the fourth. She won't return any of my phone calls or texts, and when I showed up at her house last week, her mom swore up and down Sumner was gone, even though her car was in the driveway.
    It's been tough, but surprisingly I've had Penelope to help me with a lot. She picked up a part time job for the summer, and thankfully for them William is working full time for his father's country club, so they'll have more than enough money for when the baby comes. Currently they're working on finding their own place, rather than staying with William's dad like they've been doing the last year.
    Today, however, I feel like I have no one once more. I lay on the table with my stomach exposed, listening to the doctors speak to one another as if I'm not here. They're currently waiting on Ellie and Leon to get here, since today is my first ultrasound.
    Since we had two implantations, they want to see exactly how far along I am, and use the ultrasound to determine as well how many babies I'm carrying. Babies. I know they mentioned there could be more than one, but it didn't register until I was lying here. I don't want to carry babies. A baby, yes, but more than one? Hell no.
    It's not a choice I can make, everything is too late to back out from now. The good news though, is as of today I get my first check from the agency, and from here on out I'll receive it in installments the further along I get. I can help my mom with the current house payment that is already getting behind. So although everything has been tough already, and I know it's going to be a long struggle until the end, I can already see it's worth in so many ways. A true miracle- helping me and my mom survive, and giving Ellie and Leon what they've apparently been wanting for so long.
    My heart starts to thump twice as hard when someone knocks on the door. The doctor opens it, and in walks Ellie dressed as if this is Paris, with Leon walking behind her clothed in a dress shirt and tie. He looks like he just left an office, and for the first time ever, I can justify how sexy that look truly is.
    I have told myself over and over though that I can no longer think of Leon that way. As sexy, or beautiful, or handsome, or breathtaking. I can no longer imagine that we are about to have this child together. I can no longer dream of a different future, one with him. Because this feeble school girl crush of mine has gotten out of hand.
    So I ignore his presence the best I can. I ignore the aching nervousness of having him in my surroundings. I pretend he doesn't glance at me with those particularly tormenting eyes. It's not easy, but it's manageable.
    "This will be a little warm," the doctor states. She squirts some gel onto my lower stomach, and it is in fact extremely warm. She presses the wand into my stomach, spreading the gel around before pressing even harder. Suddenly a thump, thump sound surrounds us, then she says, "Look here. This little potato shape here is your baby."
    She continues to explain the different things she is doing, giving us a heart rate of one-sixty-seven, and informing us of an official due date being March twenty first- which is only four days after Penelope.
    Once the ultrasound is finished, the other doctor turns on the lights while the x-ray technician cleans my stomach. She hands the pictures over to Ellie, and I'm a