Free Aligned: Volume 3 by Ella Miles Page B

Ethan expects tonight. Sex is the obvious answer after not being with his wife for six months. After being held captive, tortured, and thinking he was going to die, sex would be very life affirming, but I don’t know if I can do that. I stare at the large rings on my left hand. I’ve made a commitment to try my best to love Ethan again, to remember him. But Landon is still there in the back of my mind. He’s still in my heart, even though he shouldn’t be. He never loved me. It was always about sex with him. There is no reason I shouldn’t have sex with Ethan tonight, but something is holding me back.  
    The door creaks open and Ethan emerges from the bathroom shirtless. His ripped muscles flex and bend as he walks out. His body looks much like mine. Bruised, broken, and scarred. I stand and walk to him, drawn to the scars covering his heart. I reach my hand to touch the scars on his chest before I realize what I’m doing. My hand freezes less than an inch from his chest.  
    “It’s okay. You can touch me,” he says, grinning.  
    I don’t grin back, but I do touch his chest. Fresh bruises and scars cover his chest. I run my hands over each scar lightly with my fingertip as his breathing becomes more and more erratic. I feel his pain every time I touch a new scar. I can see on his face that he remembers how each spot was inflicted. I trace down his arms to his wrists. His wrists are the worst, showing how hard he struggled against the ropes that held him prisoner. I kiss each wrist softly. He lets out a small gasp at the unexpected touch.  
    It makes me feel good to see him relax just a little when I kiss him, so I keep going. I kiss my way up his arm. He rewards each kiss with a gasp or small groan. I make it to his chest and continue kissing every bruise and scar. They all seem so fresh. I haven’t found any that have healed as mine have from six months ago. He must be a good healer. I kiss the large scar on his chest when he loses whatever control was holding him in place keeping him from moving.  
    He grabs my face and traps my lips beneath his kissing me passionately.  
    “God, I’ve missed you, Alexa,” he says between kisses. My hands go to his neck almost on autopilot. My tongue responds to his, liking the pleasure filling my mouth. He grabs my ass and pushes us back until we hit the bed. He lowers my body gently onto the bed before climbing on top of me until our bodies are pressed together. His lips immediately find mine again, and I try to lose myself in the kiss as his hands start exploring my body and touching areas I’m not ready for him to touch yet.  
    “Moan for me, Alexa. Show me how much you are enjoying this,” Ethan says.  
    When he kisses me again, I try my best to moan, to please him, but I’m afraid it comes out more pained than I would like.  
    “Fuck, I want you, Alexa,” he moans as he moves his kisses to my neck.  
    I close my eyes trying to keep myself calm. I can do this. I want this. I grab the nape of his neck pulling his head back to my lips, something I enjoy and can focus on. I focus on his taste. The spearmint toothpaste fresh on his tongue. I feel him grabbing the fabric of my dress and hiking it up to touch my skin beneath it.  
    He rips off my clothes. I can’t stop him. I try to scream, but nothing comes out as he sits on my chest preventing air from moving in or out. I’m going to die.
    “Alexa, stop it! What are you doing?” Ethan says holding my wrists above my head. I open my eyes and realize the image is gone. A stranger isn’t trying to rape me. Ethan is just trying to have sex with me, but my body registers it as the same thing. It is practically the same thing for me.  
    “Let go,” I say a little too harsh as I try to break free from his grasp.  
    “Why were you hitting me and screaming? What is going on, Alexa?” he asks still holding onto my wrists firmly above my head.  
    “I had a panic attack. I’ve had them a lot since the