Free Lost Along the Way by Erin Duffy Page B

and left before the recessional because I didn’t know if you’d want me there, and I was worried that my showing up might somehow upset you even more than you already were. Maybe I should have stayed. I swear, I thought I was doing the right thing. If I’d known that you’d wanted me there, I would’ve stayed to talk to you. You gave a beautiful eulogy.”
    â€œThanks,” Cara said, tears welling in her eyes again. “She couldn’t believe that our friendship had devolved into this.”
    â€œMe neither. I can’t believe what life has done to us.”
    â€œBefore she died, she begged me to reconcile with you.”
    â€œYou’re kidding,” Jane said. She stared out the window, wondering if Cara’s mother had orchestrated this entire thing, and if she’d somehow sent Jane to this house to fill the void she’d left in Cara’s life. “It’s like she knew this was going to happen. She always had answers for everything.”
    â€œMaybe.”
    â€œIt’s just so weird because I’ve been thinking so much about you lately. Last year I found a ski jacket I thought you’d really like. I almost sent it to you for your birthday, but I wimped out. I didn’t think you’d want to hear from me.”
    Jane’s confession was met with a silent shrug and a raised eyebrow. She was saddened to realize she couldn’t interpret Cara’s nonverbal cues anymore.
    â€œYou believe me, don’t you?” Jane asked. It was a silly question to ask, but she suddenly felt she needed to be sure.
    â€œI don’t know what to believe anymore. I don’t know you, Jane. I knew the girl buried inside you. I haven’t seen her in a long time.”
    â€œNeither have I,” Jane admitted with a sigh.
    â€œDo you miss her?” Cara asked the question Jane had been asking herself a lot lately.
    â€œI’m starting to.”
    â€œI’m sorry, but I have to ask. What’s with the boobs?” Cara asked, cracking a slight smile. “They’re so . . . huge!”
    â€œBirthday present,” Jane answered, looking down at the D-cup silicone sacs attached to her rib cage. She hated them, not just because they were too big for her body, not just because they made sleeping on her stomach impossible, but also because they reminded her of Doug and everything that was wrong with her life.
    â€œYour husband bought you boobs for your birthday?”
    â€œYup.”
    â€œThey look . . . uncomfortable,” Cara said. “You don’t have the frame to carry them.”
    â€œLast winter I walked out of the gym with my shirt wide open and I had no idea. I couldn’t even feel the cold air hitting them. That was uncomfortable, let me tell you.”
    Cara laughed. “I so wish I could’ve seen that.”
    â€œIt was mortifying.”
    â€œYou look tired. No amount of Botox can cover that up.”
    â€œSo I’ve learned.” She sighed.
    Jane looked around the room. It was perfectly neat, which wasn’t surprising. Cara had always been a stickler for cleanliness and order. What surprised her was that everything was colorless. Cara used to love color: bold patterns, bright nail polish. This home was beautiful, but it was sterile. Two white couches werecovered with white and beige pillows, and camel-colored cashmere blankets were neatly folded over their backs, begging someone to curl up under them with a book or a cup of tea or a glass of wine. The carpet covering the hardwood floor was cream with a tan diamond pattern and looked like no one had ever stepped foot on it. Polished end tables supported the weight of heavy crystal lamps and antique lacquered boxes. Other than their wedding photo, there wasn’t a single picture of Cara or Reed in this room. In fact, so far, she hadn’t seen a single picture of either of them in the entire house. Jane had a feeling that Cara was probably