Free Finding Evan by Lisa Swallow Page B

Ollie’s silence and me attempting to not retch. When we get home, he hooks his fingers beneath the shoelace tying the keys around my neck and pulls them over my head. My body stiffens at the second set of male hands on my bare skin tonight.
    I’ve never been happier to see my sofa as I am now. I don’t care it’s covered with Abby’s disgusting, snotty tissues as I throw myself onto it. The threadbare cushions are the most welcoming bed I’ve had in my life.
    Ollie kneels on the floor next to me. I’m focusing better because I can see the concern in his wrinkled brow. “You going to be okay? After what happened.”
    “I just want to sleep.” Not think about it. Ever.
    “Do you still feel sick?”
    “No.” I gag again.
    “Sure…” Ollie walks away and I fight to keep my eyes open. A bowl materializes next to me, and Ollie lays a cool hand on my forehead.
    “I don’t want you choking to death on your own vomit.”
    “Nice.”
    He stands and sits in the armchair opposite. “Do you want me to get Abby?”
    “No. Don’t wake her up. And sorry,” I mumble.
    “It’s okay. If I wasn’t helping you home, I’d be helping Jared.”
    I turn my head towards him. “Why aren’t you drunker? I was sure you had a few.”
    He smiles, and I think it’s at my slurred speech. “I’ve had more practice. Last time I was really wasted was at the Full Moon Party in Thailand. Makes the MedSoc events look like a tea party.”
    I make a noise of agreement, but don’t have a clue what he means. “Sorry about the girl then.”
    “I said it’s fine.” He pauses. “I have a girlfriend anyway.”
    “Yeah?”
    “Yeah.”
    “Should tell Evan,” I mumble.
    “Tell Evan what?”
    “You have a girlfriend and don’t want his.”
    Ollie doesn’t respond. I’d like to ask him about his girlfriend, but my brain would like me to go to sleep. The minute of quiet that follows my comment is long enough for me to pass into unconsciousness.

    ***

    EVAN

    Lucy stayed in Faye’s house a couple of hours, came out, and tried to talk to me. Every time she opened her mouth, I shut her down. Blanking out today is the only way to cope. I can’t acknowledge where Lucy went. I’m used to waiting outside for her; in the past I would when she had hospital appointments, so I can trick my mind into thinking this is what I’m doing. We drove back to Lancaster in silence. Lucy thanked me; I told her never ask me to go with her again. Then I left. For the pub.
    I stay out all evening; I came across some old mates at the pub. After the day I’ve had, escaping into a beer haze seems excusable. But I can’t contact Ness. She won’t answer my texts. Ness always answers texts, even with a message to say she’ll text later. This funny Ness quirk normally amuses me, but now it worries me because she hasn’t. I know she went to the MedSoc thing, but she should be back by now. We always say goodnight.
    I hope Lucy appreciates what I did, because I think I’ve really pissed off Ness. I know she’s furious with me about leaving her this weekend, but I thought she was okay about me going by the time I left. I guess leaving her unwell on the sofa yesterday didn’t help.
    I lie in bed thinking of Ness. Two am and I can’t sleep. Images of a naked Ness flood my mind, pushed out by paranoid images of Ness with Ollie. What if she has too much to drink? Feels lonely? And Ollie’s there not me. Something could happen. No. She loves me. I know she does; this insecurity is all me, not her fault. Lucy’s fault. Faye’s fault.
    Why the fuck am I doing this? I should have stayed in Leeds, explained to Ness what’s going on and backed right off Lucy and Faye. I grab my hair and turn over in bed. I want to tell her everything, but the old Evan – the one who can’t talk about how he feels – has been resurrected by this bullshit.

Chapter Nine

    EVAN

    Ness is asleep when I arrive at her place Sunday afternoon. Abby tells me not to wake her. Ness