Free If You Only Knew by Rachel Vail Page A

to Morgan. She leaned toward me and whispered, “Don’t listen to people who lie.”
    Morgan backed away.
    I nodded and stood up straight, like CJ, determined not to be one of those tall girls who folds herself into a parenthesis. I don’t lie. Well, not too much. I try not to. I try to be a really good friend, unlike some people. I held up my head. Nothing to apologize for.

thirteen
    M organ was kneeling on the bench, her lunch bag still unopened. “It was a little harsh, is all I’m saying.”
    “He deserved it,” Olivia argued.
    “But you know how boys are,” said Morgan, blowing her bangs. “They were just kidding around. You have to have a sense of humor.”
    I took a bite of my sandwich and asked CJ, “What do you think?” I was psyched she was on my side, not Morgan’s, this time.
    CJ shrugged. “I guess he deserved it. You want me to put your hair in a bun? I think it would look pretty.”
    “OK.” I tucked my limp hair behind my ear. It’s really time for me to get a style, I guess. CJ stood up behind me. I crouched down a little so she could reach my head.
    She tugged my hair away from my face and twisted. “Hand me two pens?” she asked.
    I handed her both Bics out of my pocket and CJ stuck them through my hair. It hurt for a second but then it was OK. I took a bite of my sandwich while she looked over her work on my head.
    “Pretty,” she said.
    I touched the bun. It was holding, maybe even elegantly. My neck felt naked. Across the cafeteria I could see the boys surrounding Tommy, staring at us. I tried to sit up straight.
    “He deserved it but what?” I asked CJ.
    “Nothing,” CJ said, bending from her waist to pick up the napkin I had dropped. “The only thing is, you don’t want the boys to think you’re, you know, coarse.”
    “No,” I agreed. I took the napkin from her and shoved it in my lunch bag.
    “It looks pretty,” CJ said. “Don’t you think?”
    I turned toward Morgan and Olivia. “Pretty,” Olivia said.
    “I think Tommy’s upset,” Morgan said, passing me her bag of Chee-tos. “You really humiliated him.”
    “Really?” I took a handful. “By saying to stop?”
    “His ‘thing’? And you were pointing at him, which is pretty rude.” Morgan took a Chee-to, then offered some to Olivia.
    “No thanks.”
    “CJ?”
    “Can’t. Ballet starts Saturday.”
    Morgan held the bag toward me again.
    I shrugged and helped myself. “But don’t you think he was asking for it?”
    “I’m just saying.”
    “I know,” I said, though I wasn’t sure I knew anything. I mean, it’s not like I revealed something personal, like, you’re afraid of thunder! “It was just a crack,” I explained. “It was just, like, cut it out! Tommy definitely knew that.”
    “Definitely?” Morgan asked. She looked over at the boys.
    “We’re buddies,” I said. “We always rag on each other. I mean, I didn’t take it personally that he was flicking my bra strap.”
    “No?”
    “Well, not too personally.”
    “Listen. Can I be totally honest?” Morgan asked. She leaned toward me with her gentle brown eyes focused on mine.
    “Uck,” I answered. “If you have to be.”
    Morgan took a deep breath and said, “Look what you’re wearing.”
    I crossed one arm protectively over my chest.
    “That’s not fair,” CJ protested quietly.
    “Sorry,” Morgan said. “But she’s one of my best friends, I owe it to her. All I’m saying is, don’t you think maybe you were, a little bit, asking for it, too?”
    “I don’t know.” I pushed my sandwich away. I couldn’t eat any more. My crossed arms weren’t having much success squishing my bust back into my body. “I didn’t mean anything.”
    CJ touched my back gently. “Maybe you should tell him that.”
    “You think?” I felt too confused to have opinions of my own, right then. I just wanted to go home and hide in Big Blue.
    “You don’t want him to hate you, do you?”
    “Definitely not.” In fact, I want the