Free Lost Desires by Rachael Orman Page B

and I have fizzled out. Are we growing apart or is it just the natural way of life and marriage? I have no idea.” I spoke quietly as I leaned across the table towards her.
    “Are you thinking of divorce?” Tara couldn’t quite conceal the surprised look on her face.
    “No! No. Not at all. Not like that. Just, uh, sexually. You know. We never, uh, do it. When we do it is missionary and I always have to fake it just so he’ll get it over with.” I tilt my head away from the children more. I know they aren’t likely to understand what I’m talking about but I still feel awkward even talking about this type of stuff out loud, let alone in front of them.
    “Ah. I get it. So you aren’t getting satisfied in the sack?” Tara laughed softly.
    “It’s not just that. I don’t even feel like doing it, so it’s not even his performance in question, I just don’t desire it anymore.” I shrug. “Maybe it’s me.”
    “Babe, it isn’t you. It’s just part of being a mother. I’ve told you before, you have to get comfortable with your new sexy curves. I bet that really has a lot to do with it. If you don’t want to get naked, why would you want to have naked sex?” Tara smiled as the waiter walked up to get our drink order then disappeared again. “I think you should see a sex counselor.”
    “A sex counselor? That sounds very unpleasant. I don’t want to have to talk about all this stuff with some stranger.” I shook my head with absolute conviction. That might be for some people, but that wasn’t for me. I was having a hard enough time talking about this in front of my best friend. No way was I going to be able to talk about it to a stranger.
    “Why not? What if it could fix your sex life, your love life, your marriage? You should try it. I’ll find you a good one. I know a couple of people that might have some recommendations,” Tara suggested as she dug in her purse, eventually pulled out her phone, and scrolled through her contacts.
    “I don’t know, Tara. I don’t know if I could get Ian to go, if I did want to go.” I run my fingers through my hair as I try to think calmly and not jump to any type of conclusions. Would I be willing to try something new if it changed things back to the way they were? Would Ian? At least I had a reason to bring it up because Tara was writing a number down on a napkin.
    “Here , call this guy. A few of the couples I know have said he is the best and did wonders for their sex lives.” Tara smiles boldly at me. “I think it’d do you good. Now is not the time to hide behind that shyness. Do it.”
    I slid the napkin off the table ledge to tuck it into my purse where I can look at it later , and if I decide it’s something I want to do, then I’ll have to figure out how the hell I’m going to bring this up to my husband.

Chapter 2
    That night , when Ian got home from work and the kids were quietly tucked in bed, I leaned against the edge of his desk where he was looking over news stories for the day on his computer. When I didn’t say anything after a moment, he paused and looked up at me. “Yes?”
    “I was just wondering if you wanted to sit on the couch and watch TV together tonight.” A small smile came over my face. “You know, turn off the computers and phones for a while before we go to bed.”
    “Uh, sure.” Ian scanned the rest of the article he had been reading before shutting it down and walking with me to the couch. I sat right next to him, and he rested his hand on my thigh while he flipped through the channels with the other. Finally settling on a show both of us could stand, he set the remote aside and rubbed my thigh. “Everything okay?”
    “Yeah, why?” I frowned, not liking that the simple request to spend time with me made him think something was wrong. It just showed me how far apart we’d grown. We used to always spend the night together before going to bed.
    “Just wondering ,” Ian answered noncommittally. After sitting there