Free Hardened by Ashe Barker Page B

you were…” I hesitate, try to find the right word. “You were very compelling. I did as you told me. I wanted to, but it was wrong, I see that now. I saw it then, straight after. I felt guilty, and stupid, and very confused. I needed someone to take charge, and I thought Andy could perhaps replace you.”
    “You were looking for a dom, even then?” He doesn’t even pretend not to understand.
    I nod. “I didn’t know it at the time, but I do now. And I mistook Andy for that. It was unfair really, and not his fault. He was strict, and demanding. He told me what to do, and I obeyed him.”
    “So, what happened?” He is leaning forward, his expression gentle. He reaches for me and cups my face in his hand, and it is only then that I realise tears are streaming down my face.
    “He wasn’t kind. I think he was a bully, probably. He never spanked me, never laid a hand on me at all, but he was always angry, always critical of the things I did, anything I said.” I stop to gulp in a few much-needed breaths. “He used to call me names, really horrible things, and each time it felt like a punch in the gut. I’m glad he wasn’t into spanking, I would never have felt safe with him. He didn’t seem to like me that much, not really.”
    “So you left him?”
    I nod. “I was a coward about even that, though. I was too demoralised to tell him to his face, so one day I went to work and just didn’t go home. I took a room in a bed and breakfast and texted him to say I wasn’t coming back. And do you know what? He didn’t even care. He just replied to say ‘fair enough,’ and to let him have a forwarding address for his lawyer to be in touch.”
    “Heartless bastard. It sounds to me as though you did the right thing.”
    I manage a watery smile. In my heart I know I was right to end my marriage, but Jared is the first person to actually say it. He wipes away some of my tears with his thumb as I ramble on with my tale. “My family was incredulous when I told them what I’d done. My older sister couldn’t understand why I dumped a decent husband and a good provider like Andy. He hadn’t even been unfaithful, and we’d only just had a new driveway laid. My mother refused to let me move back in with her, and is still fond of reminding me that I made my bed and really should have laid in it.”
    “A new driveway, eh? That is a big deal, I suppose…”
    “Oh, shut up.” He frowns, so on impulse I grab his wrist and squeeze it. “I’m sorry, I just…”
    “I know. Don’t worry. I won’t spank you for telling me to shut up.”
    I gaze at him, my bottom clenching. I wish he would. I so wish he would. I really ought to leave before I blurt out something very unwise.
    “So, what would it take then? To get you to spank me?”
    Too late.

Chapter Four
     
     
    She’s every bit as beguiling as I remember, but more vulnerable somehow, without the prison officer’s uniform to serve as her armour. She holds onto my wrist, her grip tightening as though she expects me to pull away and abandon her. It’s fair enough, I suppose. I did it before.
    I should never have started that scene at Armley jail. It was wrong on so many levels, not least the fact that I was in no position to offer Molly the aftercare she needed. I knew it, I knew back then how our encounter was likely to end even without factoring a fucking prison riot into the equation, but I didn’t let that stop me. I was horny, I needed an outlet, and she was there.
    I did her a huge disservice, and it’s not a mistake I’m about to repeat. I like to think I’m more in control now and less led by my dick. My dom instincts are if anything more powerful now than they were then, but so are my ethics, so woefully lacking in the past.
    I shake my head. “I’d love to oblige you, Molly, but now’s neither the time, nor the place. We’ve both moved on since that day—”
    She blushes crimson, and drops her hold on my wrist. “Of course. I’m so sorry. I