Free Finding Laila: Some Changes are Necessary by T.K. Rapp Page B

was no reciprocation on
feeling, so no harm, no foul. And it was so long ago.
    * * *
    Midway
through eighth grade, I had a class
with each of the boys. Haden had convinced me to take art because it would be
an easy A.
    It
was the first C I ever got.
    It
was the basics, yet it was beyond my ability. Apparently there was not an
artistic bone in my body, despite my best efforts. But I could appreciate the
talent.
    I
used to love watching Haden work because there was an
intensity in his technique that was hard to ignore. It wasn’t the first time I saw Haden Searle as more
than one of my best friends. But it was certainly the point where I knew that
the friendships I valued so much would be laid on the line if I were wrong. I
developed a crush on him that drove me insane with jealousy, and I was not
typically a jealous person.
    Apparently
I wasn’t the only one who saw his talent.
    He
had saved me a seat on the first day of class, so he could teach me on the
side, but Caarly tried to take my place midway through the first month. Haden
had that dark and brooding thing going on that girls liked, but it was mainly
because he wanted to be left alone. I admired his kindness first and his talent
second—but his looks weren’t far behind. I wasn’t blind.
    One
day, I walked in to see Caarly sitting in my spot, twirling her hair and trying
to gain his attention.
    “Are
you dating Laila?” I overheard her ask him.
    I
stood at my art cubby and fumbled with my books to buy myself time to listen
in. We weren’t dating; I wasn’t
dating anyone. He was most definitely ripe for the picking so there was nothing
stopping him flirting with her. She wasn’t the type of girl I pictured him
dating, but then again, what did I know?
    “What’s
it to you?” he asked, never looking at her.
    “Nothing,”
she smirked. “It’s just, well, I think she might be into you, and if you’re not
into her, then maybe you wanna hang out sometime.”
    He
didn’t answer or stop working, and I could tell she was getting irritated when she
spoke again.
    “Interesting.
Maybe you aren’t even into girls.”
    His
hand kept moving with ease over the paper he was sketching on and she was
beginning to get annoyed. Yes, over that semester, I’d started to look at Haden
as more than a friend and I knew he wasn’t into me like that, but I’d never
considered that he wasn’t into girls at all. My heart broke a little because
I’d really hoped that maybe he’d look at me as more than just one of the guys
someday.
    “Whatever
you need to tell yourself, Caarly,” he muttered.
    I
walked over to join them, having heard enough from her. “You’re in my seat.”
    She
looked around and feigned surprise. “Are you talking to me?”
    “He’s
just not that into you, Caarly. Why don’t you find someone else to throw
yourself at?” I said as I leaned down into her face with a smirk.
    Her
mouth dropped open and Haden’s shoulders shook as he chuckled, never ceasing
the work on his latest piece. She looked from Haden and then to me before
shoving out of the chair and getting in my face.
    “I
was not throwing myself at Haden Searle,” she protested, and I crossed my arms
over my chest and watched her get all worked up. “Trust me. I have no problem
getting guys to date me.”
    “Are
you trying to convince us or you?” I leveled my eyes at her.
    Without
another word, she stormed off to her table at the back of the room and sulked
for the rest of the period.
    “Wow,
Nixon, I’ve never seen you jealous,” Haden laughed but never looked at me.
    “And
you still haven’t,” I lied before taking my seat next to him.
    That
afternoon I went home and wrote in my journal, because that’s what I did since
I didn’t have any girlfriends to talk things out. I’d learned over the years
that any girls who did try to befriend me were using me to get to the guys.
Eventually I enacted a ‘no-girlfriends’ policy, which served me
well—until it didn’t. I had my