Free The Ninth Step by Grant Jerkins Page A

do what he wanted.”
    “Jesus wept.”
    Martha watched the man and the boy climb the concrete stairs to the third level of the hotel.
    “I told my mother. But she didn’t believe me. Uncle Billy was her brother, so she didn’t believe me. She couldn’t allow herself to believe that about her oldest brother. She kept dropping me off at his house for swimming lessons. Validation. She never believed me. So yes, validation would mean everything. You gave your brother a gift.”
    “In a way. Yes. The dirty little things we do to one another.”
    “I don’t swim. To this day I’m afraid of the water.”
    “I imagine so.”
    The man and the boy reached the open balcony of the third level. Martha reached into her backseat and pulled out a sophisticated electronic camera with an imposing telephoto lens.Helen stared at Martha and gestured at the camera, ready for an explanation.
    “I work for an investigator. It’s cheaters mostly.”
    The camera clicked and whirred as Martha worked it.
    “The dirty little things we do to one another.”

28
DO NO HARM
    Once the hotel room door was closed, Martha put the camera back in the car.
    “The question,” Helen said, “is how do you make amends for taking someone’s life?”
    “Maybe, dear, you don’t. You’re willing to make amends, that’s clear; that’s step eight. But step nine, it says, ‘made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.’”
    Martha took Helen’s hand and squeezed it firmly. “‘Except when to do so would injure them or others.’”
    “I could turn myself in to the police.”
    “That’s true dear, you could. And you would probably go to jail. And your conscience would be clear. But what about yourlittle vet clinic? I suppose it would close. And the people who work for you? I suppose they would be unemployed. And the animals you shelter? Euthanized, I imagine. You might feel less guilty, but the people and things that depend on you…”
    “It feels wrong.”
    “In the end, nothing you do will bring that poor woman back. She’s beyond your help. Ultimately, what we are talking about is you—your sobriety. And honestly, I can’t think of anything you could do that wouldn’t hurt you or others. You’ve admitted it. You’ve owned it. Ask God for forgiveness. Do good things in your life. And don’t pick up a drink.”
    “I can’t bring her back, you’re right. But what about the man whose wife I took away? I should make amends to him. He’s the one I should—”
    “Stop and think. Just stop and think. Will that help or hurt this person? Will knowing who is responsible help or hurt him? He’s likely made his own peace with what happened. If you approach him, that could very well disturb his mind. You do not ease your own burden by transferring it to others to carry. That strikes to the very heart of the ninth step. First, do no harm. If you entered this man’s life, would it help or hurt him?”
    “I just don’t know.”
    “Then find out, dear. Before you go messing around in people’s lives, find out. Or take my advice and simply leave it alone.”

29
GOING ON SEVEN MONTHS NOW
    Edgar sat at his desk between the foyer and the living room. Directly behind him was the glass display case that held his puzzle box collection. Most of the puzzles that weren’t traditional Japanese boxes had come from Judy as gifts over the years. She had never been able to find one he couldn’t solve. But it was fun trying.
    Edgar’s desk was a marvel of organization. Nothing out of place. And a sleek black computer sat antiseptically on top. He took a stack of flyers from his leather satchel and placed them in the filing cabinet. They were leftovers. He had spent the day placing them under the wiper blades of cars parked at local businesses. The handbills were simple things—stating the date, time,and location of the accident, along with Edgar’s name, phone number, e-mail, and street