Free Eat, Drink and Be Wary by Tamar Myers Page B

speak."
     
     
"That's not a stumbling block at the front of the driveway," I snapped. "That's a concrete urn, and if you've hit that again - "
     
     
"Your adultery!" she barked. "That's what I'm talking about! Your sin of lying with a married man, and then not having the decency and humility to confess it publicly.
     
     
I was stunned. Public confession of sin was an old Mennonite custom, but one that had been largely ignored in a church as progressive as Beechy Grove Mennonite Church. But even then, whenever it occurred, it was always voluntary, and always involved sin. Sin, not stupidity. And more likey than not, the sin confessed was invariably one that had been directed against the entire congregation.
     
     
"Is that what Reverend Schrock says?"
     
     
"The reverend" - Lodema never calls her husband by his first name - "is a very busy man right now. Margaret Kauffman is dying of caner, and Reuben Gindlesperger was almost decapitated when his combine overturned. Of course, you'd know all that if you came to church."
     
     
"I only missed one Sunday!" I took a deep breath of freezing air. "So, the reverend didn't say that, did he? Then you have no right to put words in his mouth. And not that it's your business, Lodema, but I didn't know Aaron was married. Where's the sin in that/"
     
     
She honked into the wad of tissues. "A sin is a sin. The Bible says - "
     
     
" `Judge not, lest ye be judged,' " I said. I made it a point of looking her squarely in the eyes.
     
     
"Very well," Lodema said, shoving the wad of soggy tissue back into her purse, "try and hide the behind Scriptures, but it isn't going to work. We've already taken a vote."
     
     
"A vote? And who is we? You and the Lord?"
     
     
She gasped. "Now you can add sacrilege to your list of sins! For your information, the we I was referring to was the membership of the Mennonite Ladies' Sewing Circle."
     
     
It was my turn to gasp. "You didn't! Did you?"
     
     
She nodded smugly. "Unfortunately it wasn't unanimous, but nevertheless, a majority of us voted to revoke your membership."
     
     
"Ach, du leiber!" I said, reverting tot e Pennsylvania Dutch of my ancestors.
     
     
"You brought this on yourself, Magdalena. Fortunately Annie Blough has agreed to take over your Sunday school class on a permanent basis."
     
     
"What?"
     
     
She sniffed. "You can't possibly expect to continue on as a teacher, given your morals."
     
     
"My morals are not contagious!" I wailed. "Besides, I didn't intentionally do anything wrong."
     
     
"Of course we had to leave you in the Wednesday Women's Bible Study Group - how else will you learn right from wrong?"
     
     
"How generous of you!" I flung the door open all the way, inadvertently knocking Lodema Schrock to the porch. When I saw that she wasn't hurt, I slammed the door shut and locked it.
     
     
I know, a better Christian would have helped her up, and maybe even made her a cup of tea. But the Church is a hospital for sinners, not a country club for saints, and I had a whole lot of healing still to do.
     
     
"Beware the wages of sin!" Lodema screamed, pointing a gloved finger at the peephole in my door. " `The wages of sin are death!' "
     
     
A sensible woman would have gone straight to bed and stayed there for the remainder of the week. Enough said.
     
     
-9-
     
     
George Mitchell was a first-rate cook. His Marilyn Mitchell's Tortilla Cake Surprise was a hit. Even Freni grudgingly admitted to liking it. In fact, I found her in the pantry after lunch, scribbling what he remembered of the recipe on the inside of a brown paper bag. No doubt future generations of Amish will eat this tasty dish and believe it to be part of their cultural heritage.
     
     
At any rate, our noonday meal should have been a delightful experience for everyone. I am, after all, more lax at lunch than I am at breakfast or dinner. This particular occasion, for instance, I went so far as to permit free seating. Bear in mind