Free Speechless by Yvonne Collins Page B

all-you-can-eat buffet at motel restaurant.
    8:10 a.m.: Rushes into motel restaurant only to hear Margo announce there’s no time to eat—plane awaits.
    9:00-10:00 a.m.: Another terrifying flight in the provincial crap can with wings.
    11:15 a.m.: Arrival at public school. Royal entourage attends lengthy theatrical production of Harry Potter adventures, tours art and music rooms, and listens to choir recital (songs from Lion King ). Lib smiles until gums dry out.
    1:30 p.m.: Lunch in school cafeteria. Mix and mingle.
    Highlight: Student, age 7, asks Minister, “Do you work in a church?” Minister looks annoyed.
    Lowlight: Student, age 7, asks Libby, “Are you pregnant?”
    Result of Lowlight: Baggy sweater destroyed by sundown.
    2:30 p.m.: Departure for school number two. As rare treat, Lib rides with Laurie (Margo evidently has top secret biz to discuss with Minister). School itinerary virtually same as before, except theatrical production is scene from Free Willy. Boy in black-and-white costume flops around the stage as Willy. Choir’s tunes are from The Little Mermaid.
    Highlight: Student, age 5, remarks to Minister, “You smell.”
    Result of Highlight: Minister grabs handbag and applies even more expensive cologne in staff washroom.
    Lowlight: Whale child cited previously rediscovers arms and legs, snatches Ministerial handbag from chair beside Libby, and runs off with it. Lib pursues. Ruckus is sufficient to provoke Minister to whisper savagely, “Lily, I would appreciate your attention during my remarks. You need to set an example for the students.” Libby glares menacingly at purse-snatcher at snack time, noting nonetheless that Margo stashes two butter tarts in briefcase.
    4:00 p.m.: Departure to Town Hall for glad-handing of boring local politicians. MPP, age 70, holds Lib’s hand too gladly and too long. Margo, generally so quick to interrupt, is nowhere to be seen.
    6:00 p.m.: Arrival at Lakeside Inn, located not by a lake but a major highway. Margo promptly disappears. Lib skulks to Laurie’s room to make plans for dinner.
    6:20 p.m.: Margo arrives at Laurie’s door, shifty-eyed with paranoia. Could Lib and Laurie be plotting mutiny? Lib blurts out that she is simply borrowing curling iron from Laurie, who promptly produces one. Returns to room to add fake ringlets to hair under Margo’s watchful eye.
    6:30 p.m.: Margo decides that the Minister needs contact lens solution and sends Lib to town to buy it. Lib picks up submarine sandwich en route, dazzling “sandwich technicians” with curls.
    9:00 p.m.: E-mail to Rox, bitching and whining.
    10:30 p.m.: To bed, too exhausted to read.
    11:00 p.m.: Margo crashes into room, turns on all lights. Consumes butter tarts with snuffling noises. Prepares for bed as loudly as possible.
    12:00 a.m.: Lib lies awake listening to Margo snore.
     
    Another day, another town, another school visit. It’s 7:00 p.m., and we’ve just checked into the Downtown Motor Lodge, which (surprise) is a twenty-five-minute drive from downtown anywhere. I feel at home immediately, because the rust, orange and brown decor is reminiscent of my parents’ basement. Having gained a small head start on Margo, I switch on the swag lamp and throw my things on the bed closest to the washroom. I’m stretched proprietarily across it when Margo crashes into the room and I smile innocently in response to her glare. There was a candy machine in the lobby; maybe I’ll curl up with a bag of pretzels and watch mindless sitcoms on TV. That’s about all I feel up to tonight. I hide the remote while Margo unloads her beauty aids in the washroom, then start digging through my wallet for change.
    “So, Libby.” Damn. It speaks. “I’ve made some revisions to tomorrow’s speeches. I want you to input the changes and have them printed.”
    I look at my watch pointedly before responding. “And where do you propose I do that, Margo? It’s almost 7:30 and we aren’t in the heart of a thriving