Free Living in Shadow (Living In…) by Jackie Ashenden Page A

pressure not so subtle now, her voice thick with fear. “Stop!”
    Fuck. He sucked in a breath, grappling with his self-control. Then he pushed himself away from her.
    Eleanor straightened, her face flushed, eyes dark. Her mouth looked swollen, full and red from the kiss. She looked away, hiding her expression. With a precise motion she put her hands on the edge of the desk, appearing casual, but he could see the slight tremor in her fingers. She was steadying herself.
    Jesus Christ. What the hell had he done? He’d heard the fear in her voice. He knew he’d frightened her. And yet she’d responded too, her mouth opening under his. Kissing him back.
    There were so many fucking contradictions to her. She was like a puzzle that kept getting more and more complicated the further into solving it you got. And he wanted to solve it. He wanted to solve her.
    “I’m not sorry,” he said roughly, before she could say a word.
    “I don’t want you to be sorry. It wasn’t like I didn’t enjoy it.” Her throat moved. “Can you stand on the other side of the desk, please?”
    He didn’t move. “One night, Eleanor.” It was all he could think of to offer. The only thing she might want.
    She kept her gaze down on her desktop, unspeaking.
    “One night. You and me. Nothing more, nothing less.”
    “Lucien, please. Stand on the other side of the desk. I can’t…think with you standing there.”
    He didn’t know what instinct it was that made him move. Perhaps it was the instinct of the soldier, the commander. The one that told him what his men needed in order to reassure them. He’d tried to suppress that urge as much as he could since he’d escaped the army, because having the power of life or death over people changed a man, and not for the good.
    But he didn’t suppress it now. Something in her voice was desperate and he wanted to give her that reassurance, so he went with it, raising his hand and gripping the back of her neck. Not hard, but so she knew he was there.
    She went utterly still, like a cat gripped by the scruff of its neck, all the tension in her shoulders bleeding out. Almost as if she was relaxing into his hold.
    He leaned forward, so his mouth was near the perfect shell of her ear. “Perhaps not thinking is what you need, Professor.”
    A shiver went through her, but she answered without hesitation, her voice a mere whisper of sound. “Yes.” And there was no trace of fear in the word at all.
    Her skin was silky beneath his fingers, wisps of golden hair brushing against his hand. And he knew without a shadow of a doubt that this time if he pushed her down, with his hand on the back of her neck, she’d let him. That she wouldn’t protest if he wanted to fuck her right here on her desk, the way he’d told her he would.
    But he wasn’t going to. Because now he had a new mission.
    Someone, somewhere had betrayed her trust. And he was going to give it back to her.
    “There’s a bar downtown, the Reading Room,” he said quietly. “I’ll be there tonight at eight. We’ll talk. And afterwards you can go home by yourself if that’s your choice. But know this right now: I want a night. And I’m not going to make it easy for you to walk away.”
    He removed his hand, letting his fingers brush over her skin a little.
    She didn’t move as he stepped away, standing there bracing herself on the desk, her head bent. Neither did she speak.
    But that was okay. He didn’t need a response.
    She’d be there or she wouldn’t. The choice was up to her, always.

Chapter Six
    Eleanor stared at the door to the bar. She’d been standing on the pavement outside for at least five minutes already, palms sweaty, heartbeat out of control, unable to make herself go in and yet unable to walk away.
    She didn’t even know why she was here, considering she’d spent the whole day telling herself she wouldn’t be.
    You know why you’re here.
    A kiss that had blown her mind. Then his hand on the back of her neck. A