Free Blood & Milk by N.R. Walker Page B

squeezed my heart and crippled my lungs.
    Damu laughed at me, oblivious to my struggle to breathe. And strangely enough, his laughter, his smiling face, calmed me. I exhaled with a rush and laid back, allowing myself to float, feeling my lungs expand and contract with every inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, until my panic attack passed.
    Damu floated beside me and without a word between us, with a peace that soothed me, we floated naked in the water under the Tanzanian sky.
    * * * *
    When we climbed out of the water, still naked, I almost slipped on the rocks. Damu caught me before I fell, holding me close, and for a moment neither one of us moved. He kept his hands on the tops of my arms, our fronts almost touching. He was half a foot taller than me, and when I finally looked from his bare chest up to his face, I found he was looking down at me. His lips were parted, his eyes alight with fire, and I thought for a second he was going to kiss me.
    I didn’t know how I would react. I didn’t know what that meant for me, to be held and touched by another man―I was sure my heart wasn’t ready. But what I did know was that no matter how unsure I was of moving forward, I knew I couldn’t go backwards. I might not have wanted him to kiss me, but I didn’t want him to not kiss me either.
    I was so conflicted.
    Then I felt his cock brush against my stomach. I instinctively looked down. He was hard, his reaction to me was undeniable. He turned quickly and grabbed his clothes, dressing quickly, scrambling to hide himself. He was not only embarrassed, but he was ashamed, and that saddened me. It also worried me.
    I dressed hurriedly, and before Damu could walk away, I grabbed his arm. “Damu.”
    He wouldn’t look at me. His eyes were fixed on the ground to the side of us.
    I wanted to touch his face so he would look at me, but I didn’t dare scaring him off even more. “Don’t be embarrassed. You don’t have to be ashamed of your body around me.”
    He shook his head and pulled his arm from my grasp, but he didn’t step away. He seemed stuck for words but eventually settled on, “No. No.”
    Was he worried he’d offended me? Or was he worried that I would tell someone else? “I don’t mind, and no one else needs to know.” I motioned between us. “Just us. Just us.”
    His gaze shot to mine then, his eyes filled with fear and uncertainty. “Forgive.”
    “There’s nothing to forgive. You did nothing wrong.” He squinted his eyes closed, like I’d just told him the sky wasn’t blue. I said it again, this time with more conviction. “You did nothing wrong.”
    He took a step back, and I knew this conversation was over, for now at least. He turned and walked away. I pulled on my sneakers, which wasn’t easy, given my feet were still wet. I needed to change the subject, to let him know things were still good between us.
    “Hey, Damu,” I called out. He stopped walking and begrudgingly turned to look at me. I pointed to the line of trees further up. “Should we grab some sticks and branches for firewood?”
    He looked at me for a long moment, then relented with a nod and a small smile.
    I picked up a branch and then another, and soon Damu was beside me. “Figured it’d save us a trip back here,” I said as we collected wood together. “And if anyone wonders why we were so long.”
    I dropped my sticks to the ground and pulled my shirt over my head, laying it flat on the ground. I piled the wood across my shirt and after we’d collected a decent amount, I wrapped my shirt around the firewood and tied it off. It made it so much easier to carry. It also made me shirtless.
    Looking down at myself, I could see my shorts were now far too big for me. Even with the waistband doubled over, they still hung low on my hips. My abs were noticeable, which was funny because I never realised I even had abs.
    “You aronkenu ,” Damu said, holding up one finger. “No fat.”
    “Skinny,” I said with a laugh. “Or are you