Free The Younger Man by Sarah Tucker Page B

on a different beach, with different songs but that same scenario.
    Joe sits down without asking and says, ‘I’ve been thinking about you.’
    He’s been thinking about me. Thinking about me since last night or thinking about me since he started working for the company. I don’t think it’s the right time to askhim to be specific, although I want to know. So I hedge my bets and say, ‘You mean since last night.’
    ‘No, wish it was. No, since I first met you, Hazel. Since I first joined the company.’
    I’m quietly very pleased, which may be just a pride thing. He obviously felt the electricity, too, but fought it like I did and that’s what was causing, is causing the tension. He may not be married, but going out with someone, living with someone for twelve years is like a marriage. Is as good as being married. I don’t know if they have children. Not right to ask now. And it doesn’t matter anyway. This isn’t going anywhere. So I say, ‘The tension will pass. Fiona seems a lovely girl, and it’s best to keep personal relationships out of the office. I’m not a relationship breaker—I’ve been the victim of one of those myself—although it wasn’t a particularly happy marriage I was in at the time. But I don’t want to get involved, so please don’t tell me any more. As for the tension between us, it will pass. It will pass.’
    He looks awkward.
    ‘Yes, I thought so, too. I’ve been trying not to think about you, but I work with you and, well, it’s difficult to get away from you. I’ve tried. Fiona knows something has changed since I joined the company. I just feel more distant from her. I feel I’m pulling away and she senses it. Thing is I can’t promise you anything, but I wanted you to know the truth and how I feel about you. And I more than like you.’
    What does that mean? More than like. More than likesounds very childlike. Is lust more than like? Is More Than Like, Less than Love or in Love? Means nothing. Whatever it does mean, it’s not right for the office and not enough for me.
    But then I look at Joe and listen to him. I’m torn. I’m torn because I find Joe Ryan very attractive. Last night I found him funny and fun and sexy and sensitive and he makes me feel how I haven’t felt for a long time. And I love the fact there’s a mutual attraction. And minus girlfriend, or even girlfriend of under six months (which doesn’t count and is within honeymoon period of relationship so he should be smitten anyway), perhaps I would pursue him, perhaps like a predatory female that still thinks he is possible prey. But this is different. This situation is very different because it’s me. And I can’t, I won’t do this to another woman. His relationship with Fiona is a long-term one. A long-term girlfriend, long-term live-in girlfriend of twelve years. And this hits me deeply. I’d known David that long when he met someone else and left me. I was devastated and it broke my heart and I’ve never felt that sort of pain and never will be able to again because once you’ve been to hell you know what it would look like second time around. And not knowing is the worst thing of all. I don’t want to do this to another woman, or help a man do this to another woman. I don’t want to break another woman’s heart. That’s not fair.
    ‘Thank you for that. And I don’t expect anything from you. We were both a little drunk last night, and, well, Ithink it’s probably for the best you try to make it work with Fiona.’
    He looks surprised and then a little dejected.
    ‘Thank you for understanding, Hazel.’
    ‘That’s okay, these things happen. We must ensure they don’t again and we remain professional in the office and it doesn’t have an impact on our working relationship.’
    I hear myself say these words. This is all complete bollocks of course. Once sex is out there, you can’t just ignore it or pour ointment on it. It’s there and it won’t go away. The more you resist it,