Free Theodora Twist by Melissa Senate Page A

romantic comedy. “Theodora’s had so much plastic surgery and she’s only sixteen,” Samantha P. continues, holding up a photo of Theodora on the red carpet at last year’s Academy Awards. (She wasn’t nominated, but she was stopped for interviews.) “And those tits? Please. Totally fake. She was never that big.”
    She was thirteen the last time you saw her, I want to say in defense. And she was pretty chesty then.
    For the past several weeks, since the meeting with Theodora’s People, I’ve been reading everything I can get my hands on about Theodora. It’s hard to know what’s manufactured and what’s real, from her various body parts to what she’s quoted as saying.
    “She is so hot!” says a guy two seats over from Zach. “I’d definitely do her.”
    “Like she’d sleep with a high school guy,” Samantha P. shoots back. “I heard she dated Eminem before he found out she was jailbait.”
    “Hey, what’s the name of the girl Theodora’s going to live with for the filming of the show?” Avril asks— loudly. “I keep forgetting.”
    Samantha P. shrugs and glances at me. “I don’t know her. But I hear she’s a real drippy loser.”
    “Her name is Emily and she’s sitting right next to you,” Ray Roarke says in a cut-the-crap voice. “So why don’t you shut up?”
    Everyone in hearing distance turns and stares at Ray Roarke, president of everything not cool. I mouth “Thanks” to Ray and he nods. I notice that his nose really isn’t that big.
    The Samanthas shoot him a look that says, Are you actuallydaring to speak to us? Then they turn around and start whispering.
    Todd slips me a note. Are you free tonight?
    Zach slips me a note. Can we talk after class? I really want to talk to you.
    The first note makes me angry. The second note makes me sad. Then angry.
    “Omigod, Emily Fine is in this class?” someone shrieks.
    It’s mid-April. Emily Fine has been in this class since September. Depressing. But, in my defense as a clearly invisible human being, Oak City High is a big school and I’m kind of quiet in classes. Ray Roarke knows who I am. And the Samanthas. And, um, Zach.
    Luckily, our teacher, Ms. Mills, chooses that moment to walk in and clap. The entire class is conducting a whisper-fest. A point-fest. “I know you’re all excited about the press release that was handed out this morning,” Ms. Mills says, shooting me a smile, “but we’ve got a ton of work to do today, so let’s settle down and take out Romeo and Juliet and open to act three.”
    More like slink down. I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. I slink as low as possible in my seat. I’m suddenly Persona Someone-a, and Theodora isn’t even here yet. I’m not sure I like it any better.
    After English, I’m surrounded in my seat. By everyone except Zach, who responded to my Can’t note with “I’ll catch you later.” And, of course, the Samanthas, who narrow their eyes at me as they leave. I notice Ray heading out with his Star Wars backpack over his shoulder. He’s got a great butt. And really broad shoulders. What, I suddenly have a minicrush on him just because he came to my defense? Crazy.
    “What’s Theodora like?” at least four people ask in unison.
    I try to get up, but I’m practically pinned in my chair. “I really don’t know. I haven’t spoken to her since seventh grade.”
    “I love your shoes,” Bethany Mueller says. “They’re so cute. Let me know if you ever want to go shopping. I love your taste.” This is the same Bethany Mueller who didn’t have a pencil to let me borrow two days ago, then found one to loan the cute guy behind her.
    “Theodora Twist is going to be your roommate!” Jake Falone says. “Whoa. That is too hot.”
    Jennifer Cusher punches him lightly on the arm. “Shut up!”
    “Is she bringing an entourage?” Joely McTeal asks. I don’t know what an entourage is, so I dodge the question by announcing I have to get to history.
    “When is she coming?”