Free Beyond Blonde by Teresa Toten Page B

Jesus, he still smelled of Sunlight Soap. I extricated myself before I got flooded by the physical memory of him.
    It was instantly colder. I shivered. He moved to put his arm around me.
    Stopped. Stepped back.
    Colder still.
    “Luke, were you at, did you come to Luigi’s funeral?”
    “Yeah, sorry.” He stroked the tree trunk. I looked longingly at the tree. “I wanted to pay my respects.”
    I was aware that he looked haunted or hunted. I was aware that there were circles under his eyes, blue circles, blue eyes, stubble on his jaw. Luke was tired. I was also aware that all this made him more gorgeous. I scanned my word file for something to say, then remembered that it was his turn to speak. He didn’t. Instead, he reached over and touched my lips with his fingers.
    Jesus God Buddha Moses.
    He drew them away immediately.
    We both pretended it didn’t happen.
    “Yeah, so I remembered Luigi from Mike and Luba’s wedding.”
    I like to think that we both paused to remember the wedding, the dancing, the fire escape, the promises.
    “But then I chickened out and snuck away as soon as you finished the reading. You did great. You looked great.”
    Okay, enough already. “How’s … uh …” I couldn’t get the words out. Alison the slut who trapped you by getting pregnant just didn’t seem appropriate.
    “Fine,” he said.
    “Good, good.” I nodded. “And so, what are you, uh, doing?”
    “Well I got my GED and now I’m working full-time at my dad’s place. I’ll save up a bit and then my folks will help put me through college and then …”
    Blah, blah, blah, blah …
    I wanted to fall into him and slap him at the same time. A gust of wind blew his hair into his eyes. I could just reach up. Instead, I shivered again. “Well, I better go,” I said. “Gotta run, so to speak.”
    “Running is good.” He had not taken his eyes off me.
    Danger, danger, Sophie Kandinsky . I must never ever see him again.
    “Yeah, I’ll be running a lot,” I said. Pause. “Here, I mean.” Big pause.
    “Yeah, good.” Luke smiled, but he looked sad. “Running’s good,” he repeated. “You look good, real good.” Then he turned and walked away, taking the sun and all the best parts of me with him. I watched him until he disappeared over the horizon. He did not turn around.
    It was innocent. Totally. I know I didn’t do or even say anything wrong. But I still felt wrong. Luke. Damn. Thank God for my altar. As soon as I got home, I was going to pray for forgiveness to all my new religions. Let them sort out my sins. That’s what they were there for. Besides, it was way too complicated for me.
    Wait, did he say I looked good?

“What’s up, buttercup?” Kit watched me watch myself in the mirror. I was using mascara application as an excuse to watch me. I was enthralled with me. What did he see when he looked at me? I don’t think he saw what I saw.
    “Nothing much.” I shrugged.
    Madison looked up from her jewellery drawers. “Sophie, you’ve been staring at yourself in the mirror for an hour and a half.”
    Oops.
    “Is this like one of your new religious traditions?” She put on an armload of bangles. “Is it a Zoro thing?”
    “Zoroastrianism, and I keep telling you guys that I’m for sure a Buddhist Jew, probably.”
    “Yeah, but still, sweetie,” said Sarah, adjusting her bra straps. “You’re wearing a year’s worth of mascara.”
    I looked at my eyes and instead Luke’s blue eyes burnedthrough and watched me. One lousy touch and I was in trouble all over again.
    Kit snapped her fingers in front of my face. “You’re zoning out again. Something’s up, give.”
    The new, spiritual Sophie was not a liar. “I was thinking of Luke,” I said. The partial truth is still the truth. Ask anybody.
    “Ohhh …” they said.
    Total sympathy.
    “Why?” asked Sarah as she threw me her Love’s Fresh Lemon.
    “Why what?” I asked, dousing myself in lemon.
    “She means, why now ?” Kit