Free Man of Ice by Diana Palmer Page B

At his nape, his blond hair had grown slightly over his collar and it had a faint wave in it. Her eyes searched over his strong neck lovingly. She wanted nothing in life more than to live with him and love him. But what he was offering was a hollow relationship. Perhaps once he was over his guilt about the baby, he’d be able to function with a woman again. It was only a temporary problem, she was certain, caused by his unexpected discovery that she’d become pregnant and lost their child. But marriage wasn’t the answer to the problem.
    “We can have therapy,” he said after a minute, grudgingly. “Perhaps they can find a cure for my impotence and your fear.”
    “I don’t think your problem needs any therapy,” she said. “It’s just knowing about the baby that’s caused it…”
    He whirled, his eyes flashing. “I didn’t know about the baby five years ago!” he said curtly.
    She stared at him blankly for a minute, until she understood what he’d just said. Her face began to go pale. “Five years!” she stammered.
    He glowered at her. “Didn’t you realize what I was telling you?”
    “I had no idea,” she began. Her breath expelled sharply. “Five years!”
    He looked embarrassed. He turned back to the window. He didn’t speak.
    She couldn’t find any words to offer him. It hadn’t occurred to her that a man could go for five years without sex. She eased out of her chair and went to the window to look up at him.
    “I had no idea,” she said again.
    His hands were clasped behind him. His eyes were staring blankly at the flat horizon. “I haven’t wanted anyone,” he said. “When I found out about the baby, I was devastated. And yes, I felt guilty as well. One reason I asked you back here was to share the grief I felt, because I was pretty sure that you felt it, too, and had never really expressed it.” He glanced down at her wistfully. “Maybe I hoped I could feel something with you, too. I wanted to be a whole man again, Barrie. But even that failed.” His eyes went back to the window. “Stay until Leslie leaves. Help me keep what little pride I have left. Then I’ll let you go.”
    She wasn’t sure what to say to him. That he was devastated was obvious. So was she. Five years without a woman. She could hardly imagine the beating his ego had taken. It was impossible to offer comfort. She had her own feelings of inadequacy and broken pride.
    “Everything would have been so different if we hadn’t gone to France that summer,” she said absently.
    “Would it?” He turned to look at her. “Sooner or later, it would have happened, wherever we were. I know how my father felt,” he added enigmatically.
    “I’ll stay until the widow leaves. But what about your land? She doesn’t seem excited about selling.”
    “She will be, when I make her an offer. I happen to know that Powell Long is temporarily strapped for ready cash because of an expansion project on his ranch. He won’t be able to match what I offer, and she’s in a shaky financial situation. She can’t afford to wait a long time for a buyer who’ll offer more.”
    She was curious now. “Then if you know she’ll sell, why am I here?”
    “For the reason I told you in the beginning,” he replied. His eyes were old and tired. “I can’t let her find out that everything they’ve said about me is true. I do have a little pride left.”
    She grimaced. “It won’t do any good if I tell you that…”
    He touched his forefinger to her mouth. “No. It won’t do any good.”
    She searched his eyes quietly. She felt inadequate. She felt sick all over. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew that the only hope he had of regaining a normal appetite was with her. The problem had begun in France. Only she would have the power to end it. But she didn’t have the courage to try.
    “Don’t beat a dead horse,” he said heavily, and managed a smile. “I’ve learned to live with it. I’ll get along. So will you. Go back