Free Four Novels by Marguerite Duras Page B

exists and that it was not invented for nothing. And just because I know that women, even those who appear to be happy, often start wondering towards evening why they are leading the lives they do, I am not going to start wondering if the word is meaningless. That is all I can say on the subject.”
    “Of course it is. And when I said that happiness is difficult to stand I didn’t mean that because of that it should be avoided. I wanted to ask you: is it around six o’clock when she comes into your kitchen?”
    “Yes, always around that time. I know what it means, believe me. I know it is a particular time of day when many women long for things they haven’t got: but for all that I refuse to give up.”
    “It’s always the same: when everything is there for things to go right people still manage to make them go wrong. They find happiness sad.”
    “It makes no difference to me. I can only say again that I want to experience that particular sadness.”
    “If I said what I did, it was for no special reason. I was only talking.”
    “One could say that without wanting to discourage me you were, all the same, trying to warn me.”
    “Oh, hardly at all. Or only in the smallest degree, I promise you.”
    “But since my work has already shown me the other side of happiness you need not worry. And in the end what does it matter if I find happiness or something else as long as it is something real I can feel and deal with. Since I am in the world I too must have my share of it. There is no reason why I should not. I will do just as everyone else does. You see, I cannot imagine dying without having had the look that my employer has in her eyes when she comes to see me in the evening.”
    “It is hard to imagine you with tired eyes. You may not know it, but you have very fine eyes.”
    “They will be fine when they need to be.”
    “I can’t help it, but the thought that one day you might have the same look as that woman is sad, that’s all.”
    “Who can tell how things will turn out? And I will go through whatever is necessary. That is my greatest hope. And after my eyes have been fine they will become clouded like everyone else’s.”
    “When I said that your eyes were fine I meant that they had a wonderful expression.”
    “I am sure you are wrong and even if you were right I couldn’t be satisfied with it.”
    “I understand and yet I find it hard not to tell you that for other people your eyes are very beautiful.”
    “Otherwise I would be lost. If for one moment I was satisfied with my eyes as they are I would be lost.”
    “And so you said this woman comes into the kitchen?”
    “Yes, sometimes. It is the only moment of the day when she does and she always asks the same thing, how am I getting on?”
    “As if things could go differently for you from one day to another?”
    “Yes, as if they could.”
    “Such people have strange illusions about people like us. What else can you expect? And perhaps it is part of our job to preserve their illusion.”
    “Have you ever been dependent on a boss? It seems as if you must have to understand so well.”
    “No. But it is a threat which hangs over people like us so constantly that it is easier to imagine than most things.”
    There was a silence between the girl and the man and one would have thought them distracted, attentive only to the softness of the air. Then once again the man started to speak. He said:
    “We really agree, you know. You see, when I talked of this woman and of people who managed not to be entirely happy I did not mean that it was a reason for not following their example, for not trying in one’s own turn and in one’s own turn failing. Nor that one should deny longings such as you have for a gas stove, which would be to reject in advance all that might follow from it, such as a refrigerator or even happiness. I don’t doubt the truth of your hopes for a moment. On the contrary I think they are exactly what they should be. I really