Free Firebrand by Gillian Philip Page A

brightness.
    ‘Is this something to do with my mother?’ I asked acidly.
    Conal shrugged. ‘Maybe. Sounds like one of her ideas.’
    ‘Kate doesn’t need Seth,’ put in Sionnach. ‘She wants two. If Eili’s going, I am too.’
    Conal rolled his eyes fondly. ‘Obviously. But then there will be three of you because she insists on having Seth. The people closest to me, of course. I’m sorry.’ He glanced at me, and I knew he truly was. ‘She doesn’t trust me, Seth.’
    ‘How can she not trust you?’ I exploded. ‘You’ve been one of her captains for, what…’ I counted swiftly. ‘Fifteen months!’
    ‘And opened my mouth once too often. She knows my opinions too well, and she doesn’t trust them or me. Maybe she has cause.’
    ‘What kind of a queen is that?’ snapped Eili. ‘What kind of a queen doesn’t want her captains’ opinions?’
    Gently Conal placed his fingers over her lips. ‘A powerful queen and a ruthless one. Don’t think such things, Eili. You mustn’t think them, or she’ll hear, one way or another. How do you think she got to be queen? You’ve no idea what she’s capable of.’
    Eili was barely listening. She blinked at him, and I saw her swallow. As he withdrew his fingers from her mouth, she almost yearned back towards his touch. Even now, I felt a rage of jealousy constrict my chest and throat. Well, I was going away with Eili now, and Conal wasn’t going to be in the way. That had to be good, didn’t it?
    Misery swamped me, made worse by my own treacherous train of thought. Trying and failing to hide his unease, Conal got to his feet and hugged my shorn head against him.
    ‘I won’t do anything to endanger any of you,’ he said. ‘I’ll be an obedient bondsman. Good as gold.’ There was acid in his tone, but then he smiled again. ‘And it isn’t for long.’
    Bitterly I said, ‘I’ve heard that one before.’
    * * *
    I slept that night, but only for minutes at a time. The night was cold but I couldn’t feel it, could only kick off my blankets and roll over to lie spreadeagled on my stomach, staring out at the star-bleached landscape and the glittering sky. Funnily enough, I missed the stinkof the tannery since Conal had given me new and better rooms. I missed the unintelligible muttering of the guards up on the dun wall, their coughing and spitting and their occasional raucous laughter as they shared bad jokes to ward off the boredom. My new rooms were too big and quiet, the rafters too high, the carved stone too elegant.
    Orach was further away, too. I wanted her and I didn’t want her. I missed her skin against my skin, I missed her slender arms loose in sleep around my neck. I missed the feel of her back: muscles shifting beneath my palms, her ribs expanding with her soft sleeping breaths, my fingertips idly mapping the contours of her spine and shoulder blades as I lay wakeful. Love was meant to send you to sleep, I’d heard. It didn’t do it for me, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was being wanted. It flattered me, it contented me. She contented me.
    Still, tonight I did not want her, except with that common raw animal ache. I wanted to look at the stars while I could, and I wanted to look at them alone. For a moment I couldn’t breathe, and my lips parted as I sucked in breath with a high sound. It was almost like a sob, so I was mortified when I heard a footfall on the floorboards. I rolled onto my back and saw the dark shape of my brother against my open door.
    I sat up, shocked. ‘You should knock.’
    ‘I did.’ He sat down on the end of the bed. ‘I thought you spoke.’
    ‘Must have been a dream. What’s wrong?’ I thought for a moment
Eili
, and I was afraid.
    ‘Nothing’s wrong.’ He shrugged. ‘Except for the obvious. I’m sorry about it, Seth. I’m sorry about the whole business.’
    ‘Nothing you can do,’ I said coolly.
    ‘There should be.’
    ‘But there isn’t.’ In a way it was reassuring, I told myself. Even