Free The Beauty of Surrender by Eden Bradley Page B

sister is doing the same thing, spending twelve hours a day at work rather than with her kid. It’s not right.”
    “So, you don’t think women can have it all?”
    “I don’t know. Maybe. What do I know about it, anyway? I don’t have kids, I don’t even hold down a full-time job.”
    “You’re very hard on yourself.”
    “Am I?”
    But she knew it was true. He was quiet again.
    “Will you tell me what you’re thinking about the things I’ve just told you, Desmond? I feel sort of … foolish.”
    “No, there’s nothing foolish in what you’ve told me. I’m simply absorbing information. I’m not qualifying anything you’re saying. But all of these experiences make up who you are, contribute to how you’ll respond to certain things. Knowing you is my job.”
    It was her turn to be quiet for a moment.
    “You take your job, as you call it, very seriously,” she said to him.
    “It is serious. It’s a responsibility. I’m not one of those Doms who just plays a girl and lets whatever happen, without thinking about it. Without contemplating the results of my actions.” His accent was thick again. It seemed to get heavier when he felt strongly about whatever he was talking about.
    “I appreciate that, I really do. But I wonder … what makes a person like that? What makes you—anyone—feel that intense sense of responsibility, seek it out?”
    “I think we’re simply born with these tendencies, and in this world of overstimulation, the tendencies are brought out, until we can’t resist our own natures.”
    “Forgive me for saying so, Sir, but that’s too easy.”
    “Desmond.”
    “Alright, Desmond. Is that what you do with all your submissives?”
    “With some.” They were both quiet. Then, “Maybe there is more to it,” he said quietly.
    “Yes?”
    “Yes. But maybe it’s not something I like to think about.”
    “But … is it … is what you do, then, a healthy expression of whatever it is you shy away from thinking about, talking about? I don’t mean to pry, and you certainly don’t have to tell me. I’m just trying to figure this all out. And you don’t seem to mind … well, you seem to be allowing me to get to know you, as well.”
    “Yes, I want you to get to know me; that’s my intention.” Another long silence. She could hear him breathing on the other end of the line. “I like to think it’s healthy: the Shibari, the power play. It has been a positive outlet for me.”
    “So, there’s something … something has happened to you.”
    “That’s the nature of life, isn’t it? Everyone goes through something, lives through it, comes out the other side.”
    “Yes. I suppose so.” She paused, twining a curl around her finger, tugging on it until she felt the pull in her scalp. “I’m sorry, it’s really none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked.”
    “No, that’s alright. It’s fine. I started this conversation.”
    “But it’s not my job to analyze you.”
    “Maybe … maybe it is.” Another long pause. “Ava. I need to tell you, things are different with you. I don’t know yet what that means exactly. And I’m not entirely comfortable with it. Some of it is the blocks you have when we played. That numbness, that lack of feeling.”
    “Desmond …” Panic gripped her. “Do you mean you don’t want to see me again?”
    “No, of course not. But I need to let you know that. I need to be honest with you. Honesty is part of a strong, effective power exchange. And it has to come from both sides in order for it to work. That’s one of the most basic concepts involved, and the one thing that can make the exchange falter, or even fail.”
    “Yes, that makes sense.”
    She heard him draw in a deep breath, blow it out. His voice was so low she could barely hear him. “Ava, I will admit that I have seldom been as attracted to a woman as I am to you. Possibly never. And that challenges my sense of control. But I swear to you, I am able to maintain it. It