Free Invisible Influence by Jonah Berger Page B

similar than that of twins reared apart. 10 Adopted siblings grow up in the same household, yet their personalities are almost completely uncorrelated. 11
    Parents who feel like their children are as different as night and day might be onto something. One child may be an optimist, while another is a pessimist. One may be the life of the party, while the other is quiet and introverted.
    These differences aren’t random.
    Sibling rivalries are more than just who is better at soccer or who gets the last scoop of ice cream. They’re about who gets to be a certain type of person and who has to be someone else. Who is the funny one and who is the brainy one. Who is more like Mom and who is more like Dad.
    Siblings encourage both imitation and differentiation. Kids often idolize their older brothers and sisters and end up tagging along to whatever activity they happen to pursue. If an olderbrother is artsy, their younger sister may follow them to art class or spend more time at the craft shop. All driving the younger sibling to become like the older one.
    But while imitation leads younger siblings down the same path as older siblings, they soon learn that this route is taken. It’s hard to be the artsy one, funny one, smart one, sporty one, or any of another number of roles if one’s older brother or sister already has it locked down. They’re the artsy one, so it’s not enough just to like art. You have to care that much more, know that much more, or try that much harder to unseat them and claim that domain as your own. Siblings are a salient point of social comparison, and always doing worse doesn’t feel so good.
    So unless the older sibling moves on to greener pastures, younger siblings often end up going a different way. Whether to stand out to their parents, or themselves, younger siblings try to create their own niche.
    This is particularly true among siblings who are similar in age. In three-child families, thirdborns tend to be more similar to firstborns than they are to their next older sibling. 12 Differentiation also ends up being greater among same-sex than opposite sex siblings. Opposite-sex siblings already differ on one major dimension, making it easier for them to be similar on others.
    Kids’ personalities even seem to shift over time in opposition to their siblings. 13 As one child becomes more extraverted, another becomes more introverted. Like the proverbial yin and yang, as one moves the other moves with it. Forever connected, but forever striving for difference.
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    Siblings, then, serve an important function. They are playmates and confidants, allies and friends. But they also shape theenvironment one grows up in. Both as role models and as points of differentiation.
    â€œI think I learned a lot from her,” soccer star Morgan Brian said of her sister. “I saw her like soccer but not really pursue it. Maybe I wanted to be the opposite.”
THE DRIVE FOR DIFFERENCE
    Imagine you’re buying a piece of art. You’re not usually a big art buyer, but you happened to be walking past a gallery and the piece just drew you in. It’s a stunning painting. A bit abstract, but with lush hues, beautiful lines, and gorgeous composition. Part of a limited set of fifteen from the same artist. It just speaks to you and the colors match perfectly with your living room.
    A couple of days before you’re supposed to finalize the purchase, you happen to drop by your neighbor’s house for coffee. The two of you are fairly close friends, so you get together every so often to chat and catch up. He tells you about the vacation he’s planning to Florida, you talk about your boss’s penchant for falling asleep during important meetings, and the two of you trade opinions about which recent Hollywood blockbuster was best.
    Then he brings up art. Heard you were thinking of buying a painting, he says. Before you close the deal on anything, you just have to see what I just