Free The Marriage of Heaven and Hell by Peter Dally Page B

to eat and losing weight. The doctors did not understand what lay behind her obsession and Clive, of course, was a broken reed, unable to bear Quentin’s cries. Vanessa grew ever more miserable and distraught. It was at this low point that Roger Fry entered her life.
    She had met him earlier in 1910. At the age of 44 he had also reached a crisis point in his life; his wife had developed schizophrenia, from which she would not recover, and he had recently resigned from his post as buyer to the Metropolitan Museum in New York. Enormously energetic and enthusiastic and never at a loose end for long, Fry had arranged an exhibition of contemporary European art – including artists such as Picasso, Matisse, Gauguin, Cézanne, little known in England at that time – to be held in London at the Grafton Galleries. The first exhibition of Post-Impressionist paintings opened in November to a mixed chorus of abuse and praise and created an immediate sensation.
    Both Bells, but particularly Clive, were involved in helping with the exhibition, and during that autumn Roger Fry was a frequent visitor to Gordon Square. One evening, when Clive was away and Vanessa and Roger were alone together, she discovered ‘something of his power of sympathy’, and on a sudden impulse unburdened herself to him. 1 The relief was enormous, and the effect long-reaching.
    A growing intimacy and companionship with Fry, together with the excitement of the exhibition, temporarily lifted Vanessa’s gloom:
    that autumn … everything seemed springing to new life … all was a sizzle of excitement, new relationships, new ideas, different and intense emotions all seemed crowding into one’s life. Perhaps I did not realise then how much Roger was at the centre of it all. 2
    Roger Fry fell in love at once. Vanessa moved more cautiously and at first would not admit to herself she loved Roger. That April she and Clive travelled to Turkey with him to look at Byzantine art. At Broussa Vanessa collapsed after a supposed miscarriage. In all probability, the conflicts and strain of the journey brought out lurking depression and, coinciding with premenstrual tension and heavy bleeding, released panic attacks. Breathless and hyperventilating, she was terrified and unable to move, but in no danger. Roger seems to have recognised this. He took charge and quickly calmed her and restored order.
    Virginia was at home when she heard the news and, fearing the worst, hurried to Constantinople. There she found her sister prostrate but tranquil, being nursed by Roger and preparing to return home on the Orient Express.
    Vanessa’s depression lasted over two years. The emotional conflicts which had released the ‘black Stephen madness’, required time for resolution. During this period she came to love Roger passionately. She leant heavily on him, relying on his judgement and understanding, and put herself into his care. She trusted him implicitly and allowed herself to love him. The emotional turmoil eased and she released herself from Clive. For as long as possible she kept the affair hidden and the marital break-up, never total, was gradual.
    Clive reacted predictably to Roger’s intrusion with jealous outbursts and demands that Roger stay away from Gordon Square, but his attempts to regain Vanessa’s affection were wasted. She wanted her marriage to continue, for conventional and financial reasons, but only on an asexual basis. She wanted Clive to remain a husband in name and to stay within the family circle, but nothing more. She succeeded. The Bells never divorced.
    Virginia was quick to detect what was happening, and regarded the relationship with surprise and some disapproval at first. Her first thought was that once again she had lost her sister, for Vanessa had become more reserved, partly because of depression but also for fear of Virginia influencing Roger. But this time Vanessa had no cause for alarm. Roger’s