Free Shadows and Light by Cari Z. Page B

it.
    “No.” Xian’s hands had found his shoulders, holding him firm, keeping his own hands away. “A High One lives in the darkness, pet, and you’ll have to learn to as well if you want to become one of us. Now I want you to stand here for me and not move, not fidget, not touch the hood. You understand? Stand here quietly until I come back and remove it. Show me your obedience.”
    “Will you stay?” Rafael had demanded anxiously.
    “You have to trust me now, Rafael. You understand that word? No matter what happens or where you are, trust me to look after you.” Xian had squeezed his shoulders reassuringly. “It will be all right.” Then he’d withdrawn his hands, then his presence, and Rafael had been left alone.
    He’d cried, to his shame. Quietly, as quietly as he could, but he’d been unable to stop the tears. He hadn’t moved though. Hadn’t ran or yelled, hadn’t whimpered, hadn’t lifted one tired foot from where his master had placed him. He’d been sticky with sweat, and thirsty, hungry, worried…but not frightened. He could trust his master. He just hadn’t wanted to disappoint him. He’d stood there until he swayed, faint with fatigue and thirst, and finally Xian had come back to lift the darkness. With his first fresh, blinking view of his master’s face, Rafael had fallen in love.
    The memory hurt. It hurt in a deep, personal way that Rafael despised, and he dug his fingernails sharply into the skin of his shoulders, trying hard to distract himself. He was tempted to fall and damage his ankles to help him drown out the remembrance, but he couldn’t. It wasn’t the prospect of pain, it was the prospect of compounding his already extreme failures to Xian. He shouldn’t care, he didn’t want to care, he hated himself for caring, but he did.
    Rafael didn’t fall but he did crouch down, using his weight to force the edge of the cuff into his Achilles tendon. Pain radiated up his calves, stealing all his focus, and Rafael sighed with relief, then concentrated on his breathing and the shooting, squeezing pain.
    It was minutes or maybe hours later when Xian spoke again. “My Rafael. You always manage to obey the letter of the law, if not the spirit.”
    “Always is always.” His tone was bitter. “I spent the last five years trying to purge myself of your influence, and it was all for nothing.”
    “Perhaps. Or perhaps it was meant to be.”
    “Perhaps the gods are a pair of sadistic bastards, too.”
    “It’s possible,” Xian allowed. “Stand up.” Rafael stood slowly, which was the only way he could at the moment. He felt the warm pulse of blood ooze from cuts in his ankles. “Don’t move.” Slender leather tails slid over his right shoulder like a caress, and Rafael bit his lower lip. “I’m going to speak of the gods now, an old story, but still interesting. You may remember it from your childhood.” His voice took on a rhythmic note. “There was Ehvin, made of darkness and mind, and Ehva, lady of light and spirit. Together they made the world, and everything within it. To each thing they gave two sides, light and dark, mind and spirit, and they held it all together with form, or body. Each child was given its allotted time, a measure of light and life before returning to the darkness. Their greatest child was Erran, beautiful and beloved of his parents, a creature of swift action and great spirit and deep thought. He spent his measure of light in triumph, but when the time came for that measure to end, he refused to pass.
    “Erran began to consume the spirits of his brethren, taking their light into himself, trying to stave off the darkness. His parents pleaded with him to return to them, but he was glutted on power and light. He ate and ate, and the world began to fall into shadow. His parents, knowing the value of balance, fulfilled their finest son’s wish. Ehva poured her eternal light into him until he was so full he was drowning in it. He called to his father to