Free Loving Laura (The Cantrelle Family Trilogy) by Patricia Kay Page B

but it looked exactly the way he’d remembered it in countless dreams.
    He stared at the words etched into the stone.
    Kendella
    Beloved Son James Edward
    Killed in the line of Duty
    Dead leaves had gathered at the base of the headstone, and Neil bent to his knees to brush them away. His hand was shaking.
Jimmy. I’m sorry. You’ll never know how sorry. Please forgive me.
    As he knelt there, his chest felt so tight he could hardly breathe. Tears blinded him. He squeezed his eyes shut. All the anguish stored up over the past three years, all the regrets, came gushing forth. He leaned his head against the headstone. How long he knelt there on the cold, damp ground, he didn’t know. But when he finally rose to his feet, brushing off the knees of his jeans and pulling his leather jacket closer around him, he felt better. He felt as if Jimmy understood.
    Filled with new purpose, he turned and walked away. He didn’t look back.
    * * *
    Laura spent a quiet afternoon with her cats and Denise, who popped back and forth between the two halves of the house. Laura usually preferred to be alone when she needed to think, but Denise’s cheerful, bustling presence was comforting today.
Maybe I just don’t want to think too deeply.
And she had to admit -- it was nice to be coddled. She had had very little coddling in her life. Might as well make the most of it, she thought. She smiled gratefully as Denise brought her a steaming cup of Earl Gray tea.
    “If it’s not too much trouble, Denise,” she said, “would you mind bringing me one of my pills, too?” Her head had begun its dull throbbing again.
    “Sure. Do you feel up to Jeannine coming over for a few minutes? She’s home from school and begging to see you.”
    Laura’s spirits immediately lifted. “Oh, I’d love to have her come over,” she said eagerly.
    She spent a happy twenty minutes with the en
g
a
g
in
g
ten- year-old. Jeannine, with her father’s blue eyes and her mother’s dark, curly hair, was a lively sprite with a wide grin and bubbly personality.
    “I’m sorry you were hurt, Laura,” she said. She sat on the end of the couch, holding Phoebe on her lap as Pete rubbed against her legs. “I missed you.”
    “I missed you, too, honey.” Laura thought if she could have a child like Jeannine, she’d be the happiest woman in the world. Denise was so lucky. Jett adored her, and she had two great kids.
    All too soon Denise was back, shooing Jeannine home. “Laura needs to rest,” she said. “You can come over tomorrow.”
    After mother and daughter left, Laura slowly got up from the couch. She
was
tired. It would be good to take a nap. But first she walked around the apartment, turning on all the lamps. Only then did she feel secure enough to go back to the couch and lie down again.
    She hated this weakness in herself, but the thought of waking in the dark terrified her. The cats, sensing her anxiety, tensed, too. Pete’s ears were up, as if he heard something, and Phoebe’s tail twitched rapidly as her blue eyes stared with unblinking observation of Laura.
    Laura knew she should get professional help. She’d known that for years. And she wanted to; she was tired of being a freak. But she also knew if she sought help she would have to talk about the reasons for her fear, and she still wasn’t sure if she could. That was one of the things that really bothered her about her plans to marry Norman. He knew about her fear; they couldn’t work together every day without him finding out. But he’d dismissed it, telling her not to worry about it.
    “It’ll go away,” he’d said, “if you quit thinking about it.”
    But Laura knew it
wouldn’t
go away. And Norman’s airy unconcern disturbed her, because it was so typical of the way he dealt with problems. But Norman had good qualities, too. He was gentle, tolerant, and undemanding. He would be comfortable to live with, not expecting much from her.
    Unlike his brother.
    Very unlike his brother.
    There