Free Rent Me By The Hour by Leslie Harmison Page B

the coffee table, and I plop on the couch to watch the news. Moments later, Jordan joins me.
     
    “Good morning baby.”
     
    “Good morning.”
     
    He curls under my arm while I flip the channel to cartoons.
     
    “Mom, do you think dad is watching over us?”
     
    “Of course he is.”
     
    “Do you miss him?”
     
    “Yes I do very much.”
     
    “Yeah I miss him too.” Jordan’s voice cracks, “I wish he was here with us.”
     
    “I know baby. I know.” I squeeze him, comforting his void.
     
    “Mom can I tell you a secret?”
     
    “Yes baby.”
     
    “I’m not mad at dad anymore?”
     
    “Mad? Why were you mad at your dad?”
     
    “Because he left us behind.”
     
    “Baby, you know that’s not his fault.” I gently cup his chin in my palm. “If he was given a choice, he would choose to be here with us.”
     
    He looks out the large kitchen window. “I know. But he still left.” He looks back at me with his eyes shining, “Every day I was mad at him because I wanted him here with us and he wasn’t. But now I’m not mad at him anymore.”
     
    I rest my chin on top of his head, wrapping both arms around him and holding him tight, “That’s great baby. I know he is happy.”
     
    I’ve questioned Jordan and Jocelyn about their dad a couple of times just to let them know I’m here to answer any questions they may have about him. Though I don’t know that much about the accident because I’m too afraid to hear the truth; I’ll try to answer their questions as much as I can. But all they’ve ever asked me is if their dad is watching over us and if I miss him. And my answer is always yes. Some nights I curl in my bed squeezing on my pillow crying, hoping maybe if I wished hard enough he would walk right through the door. I too was mad at him for leaving us. I had hate inside me but knew I couldn’t move on with my life if I held onto that hate. I couldn’t love and raise my kids properly if I never let that hatred go. Max and I were like peas in a pod. We were stuck at the hips so we know each other very well. And I know he would want us to be happy, to move on and live our lives. Letting go of that negative energy helped me take care of my kids. I have great appreciation for every single mother that has raised their kids successfully. It is a very hard job.
     
    We sit together watching cartoons and I’m holding him tight not wanting to let go. But I really do need to cook breakfast. I love the fact our living room and kitchen conjoins making it possible for me to cook and connect with my kids. Jocelyn smells the French toast; she comes downstairs rubbing her eyes and accompanies her brother on the couch. I pour milk into two glasses, place everything on the nook, and call the kids to join me.
     
    “Mom what are we doing today?” Jocelyn stuffs her face.
     
    “Don’t talk with your mouth full baby.” I wrinkle my brows. “We’re going to Uncle Matt and Aunt Victoria’s. They’re cooking crawfish.
     
    “Crawfish.” Jordan and Jocelyn love eating mudbugs.
     
    After breakfast, we go outside to do our daily farm chores. Jordan grabs the water hose and fills all the animals’ water buckets. Jocelyn mixes the food for the chickens, while I check on the baby chicks. The heat lamp blew out, so I go inside the house and grab another bulb. Another thing you must have when living in the country is a four wheeler, especially if you have land. It makes it easier to get around. I walk over to the first red barn, hop onto my brute force, and drive towards the first barn. My kids help me load five bales of hay and they race me to the other red barn.
     
    “Hi Merry Legs.” Jocelyn runs her hand through their mane. “Hi Buttercup.”
     
    We unload the hay then I drive the ATV back to the garage while my kids feed the rest of the animals. Once we’re done, I pour everyone some refreshing good ole sweet iced tea into mason jars. We rock on our porch sipping on ice tea. Mufasa and