Free Don't Cry Now by Joy Fielding Page A

moved provocatively to hers.
    â€œYou want to make love now?” Bonnie asked, her voice incredulous. She’d just spent possibly the worst day of her life. She’d discovered the murdered body of her husband’s ex-wife, been dragged down to the police station for questioning, inherited two hostile stepchildren, not to mention a four-foot baby boa constrictor. She’d been beaten up and beaten down. From her stepdaughter to her stepmother. She was confused and angry and exhausted. And her husband was…what? Her husband was amorous. “Careful my lip,” she cautioned as he kissed her again, this time more forcefully, his hands moving across the front of her dress. Well, why not? she thought, responding to his caresses, despite her fatigue. Did she have any better ideas?
    â€œMommy!” Amanda’s voice scraped against the air, like a pebble on pavement bouncing unsteadily toward its target. “Mommy!”
    Bonnie slowly extricated herself from her husband’s embrace. “I guess it’s just too much excitement for one night.”
    â€œMommy!”
    â€œComing, sweetheart.” Bonnie hurried down the hall, passing both the guest room that Lauren was now occupying and the small study in which Sam and his snake were ensconced. “What’s the matter, baby?” she asked, stepping inside Amanda’s bedroom.
    Amanda sat in the middle of her small four-poster bed, surrounded by a veritable zoo of stuffed animals: a giant pink panda bear, a small white kitten, a medium-sized brown dog, two miniature black-and-white teddy bears, and Kermit the Frog. The large stuffed kangaroo she’d fallen in love with at Toys “R” Us stood on the floor at the foot of her bed, its arms outstretched, as if warding off evil spirits.
    â€œI can’t sleep,” Amanda said.
    â€œI know. It’s hard.” Bonnie approached the bed,watching Amanda’s round little face grow increasingly visible through the darkness, as if she were being lit from within. And perhaps she was, Bonnie thought, marveling that she could have played a part in creating anything so beautiful, so absolutely perfect Amanda Lindsay Wheeler, she repeated to herself, all blond curls and puffy chipmunk cheeks, huge navy blue eyes and tiny turned-up nose. Sugar and spice and everything nice. That’s what little girls are made of . Bonnie brought her hand to her lip, felt it sting.
    And then they grow up, she thought.
    Soon the chipmunk cheeks would thin out and become more sculpted; the eyes would grow less curious, more fearful; the lips would narrow from smile to pout. Already, the toddler’s skin had been shed to make room for the little girl. Already, the sleeping adolescent hovered, threatening to burst prematurely out of its cocoon.
    â€œDo you think Lauren’s pretty?” Amanda asked suddenly, catching Bonnie off guard.
    â€œYes, I do,” Bonnie answered. “Do you?”
    Amanda nodded vigorously. “Is she going to be my big sister now?”
    â€œWould you like that?”
    Again, Amanda nodded, throwing up her arms for emphasis.
    â€œGet some sleep now, sweet thing.” She kissed her on the forehead, tucked her back under the covers, walked to the door.
    â€œI love you,” Amanda called after her.
    â€œI love you too, angel.”
    â€œI love you more.”
    Bonnie stopped, smiled at what was becoming a nightly ritual. “You couldn’t possibly love me more.”
    â€œOkay,” Amanda giggled. “We love each other exactly the same.”
    â€œOkay,” Bonnie agreed, walking to the door. “We love each other exactly the same.”
    â€œExcept I love you more.”
    Bonnie threw her daughter another kiss from the doorway, watching as Amanda reached up to pluck it from the air and glue it to her cheek. Then she stepped back into the hall.
    The light was still on in the den, beckoning to her from under the closed door.