Free Wide Spaces (A Wide Awake Novella, Book 2) by The 12 NAs of Christmas, Shelly Crane Page A

he'd been crying. His lips parted in surprise at finding me awake. "Hey, you," he said gruffly.
    "Hey, you ," I whispered back.
    "Em." He scooted forward a little in his chair, but kept my hand in his. "Gah, baby. I'm so sorry." His chest heaved, catching the sob right on the edge. "How do you feel? Other than the obvious hell."
    I croaked, "I'm all right. Just so tired."
    He saw the struggle I was having with trying to sit up. He pressed the button for me and stopped when I was almost upright. We stared at each other, a whole conversation of worry, guilt, hope, and concern between us.
    I cleared my throat and went to speak, but he shook his head softly, rubbing his thumb over my knuckles. "Wait. Just let me get this all out. It's been eating me alive since we got here." I nodded and licked my dry lips. "I didn't mean anything I said. I may have thought I believed it," he shook his head, "but I didn't realize how much I still let my guilt take me over sometimes." He looked me straight in the eye and choked on his words, as his eyes turned glassy. "I love you, baby. Loving you doesn't make me feel guilty. It feels like a miracle, like something I've got to grab onto and tighten my grip to make sure it doesn't get away. I don't regret loving you, and I wouldn't change anything. If you've taught me something, it would be that things happen for a reason." He gulped. "As hard as that is to accept sometimes, like right now while I'm looking at you so tore up in this bed, I have to believe that there's a reason for it." His eyes wandered to our hands, his thumb still rubbing my knuckles so adoringly. "Otherwise, I'll just go crazy. I have to believe that it all means something, otherwise you wanting me could be just a fluke, too, and I couldn't handle that."
    He finally let his eyes settle back to mine and I felt the impact of that gaze. I couldn’t look away if my life depended on it. "I not only want you, baby, I need you. You make me capable of being the person I was always supposed to be. And not only do I want you and need you, I choose you, because there's no one else I want to wake up with. And the Adeline thing? It wasn't even a thing at all. We went on one date a few years ago. She got a little clingy afterwards, but eventually stopped all together. I worked at the hospice before she did. When she started working there, you were already there. I wasn't about to leave you there because of her . Besides, I thought it was all behind us. It wasn't until the petty crap she tried to pull on you that I knew she wasn't over it. But it didn’t matter. She asked me out a few times, but I wasn't interested. I love you, Em." He leaned down and kissed my fingers. "Please, please forgive me. I'm not saying that I won't ever mess up again, I'm sure I will, but I promise you that I'll do everything I can to make up for it. For the rest of our lives."
    Obviously, tears were on the loose after that. The look he was giving me looked like he wanted to wipe them away himself, but he stayed put, as if scared of what I might have to say to his speech. I used my free hand to wipe under my eyes and looked at my lap. "Can I just ask why you didn't tell me about Adeline?"
    He sighed a little, but said quickly, "Because she wasn't who I was focused on. Like I said, it was just one night with her years ago and it wasn't something I thought about. I didn't even think it mattered. But when you asked me if there was anything going on with Adeline, I should have told you then, but I didn't want you to think it was more than it was and worry about that. There was never anything with her. She's just a pathetic girl who couldn't let it go and tried to cause trouble." He ground his jaw. "I can't believe she called you to make it seem like…"
    I remembered. She had called me in the car. But how did he know that? "How did you know Adeline called me?"
    "She called me when I was out looking for you." What? He came looking for me? "She was the one who had been